Was talking to boyfriend on the phone just now. I'm kind of sad that he cried because of how much we aren't meeting up. It make me realized that it isn't that easy to being able to challenge yourself. He was the one who told me that we shouldn't meet everyday, because once we get use to this, it will be difficult for us next time.
So I decided that after his 4 days off days plus public holidays leave, we should start this 'system'. I must say I'm taking it quite okay. Maybe because of my previous relationship, I endured more than this. But for him, 4 years without a girlfriend, I guess it's really hard on him. But I seriously don't know how to put it across him that this must carry on or we'll never learn.
I know that tears are bound to drop through- out a relationship. But I admit I never expect to drop these much of tears just in this short period of 3 months.
And in my previous entry on my blog, I wrote,
Well.. Many times, I feel very 委屈 because of your families. Like I never understand why do I have to give in to the unreasonable thinking of theirs. But I guess, if you choose to stand with them totally, I would probly gave up this relationship.
Maybe you feel that you've done me wrong about standing on the side of your Dad, and thus it allows a number of things to seem impossible to do. But I did explain to you that, at least between me and her, you still feel that you'll be on my side to support me.
I didn't mind about the number of things that we couldn't do, but I look at the number of things that at least we still are able to do. You did feel that by standing on your Dad's side, you seem so 对不起 me. But I understand why you did it. 委屈, I'll get over this someday.
Anyway, since this is my blog, and whoever you're reading this will only be considered as my readers. No matter how you're related to me. I want to post about certain things that I can't talk about in front of certain people. At least, give me a ranting space, I really need it so much. You don't have to comment, because I'm not waiting for this to generate how I'm going to think.
Was on MSN with ex- boyfriend just now.
We were talking about random stuffs. But then, he began to ask me about my relationship now. I told him that it's fine just that there's certain issues here and there. He even ask me to invite him to my wedding if I do, get married.
Then I ask him about his girlfriend. And he told me that he's still single. So, what about the Thai girlfriend? He told me they were just friends. But he did told me before that he was so ready to go attach with this Thai girl and maybe up till the status of getting married.
He just told me that when he told me those, it was his drunken days.
Days when he got drunk because of me. Because I got attached again, but the person that I was attached to wasn't him, but someone else.
And worst still, it's been half a year since we broke up, and he told me that he haven't got over it. Should I be smiling because of how much I actually am able to influence him or should I cry because I didn't endure more enough to go through this really hard times with him.
He asked me, do I still have feelings for him..
I didn't answer him.
I really wanted to deny, but is too difficult.
After all, 4 years..
Been through so much..
But I guess what Bob say is right,
"if you can't get over it, just get use to it"
and like what I post on my facebook status before,
"for some reasons, if you cant get someone out of your head, .. then maybe they are supposed to be there"
I will just let you stay there. Maybe just act like the video guide to my life, to my relationship. After all, no matter how much I wanted to tell him the truth, I'll always remember, I'm already somebody else girlfriend.. The more I say, the 3 of us is going to get hurt more.
I'm not going to bid him goodbye, I'll still choose to stay as his friend. But I never will answer him that question.
Just for one reason, I'm already somebody else girlfriend, there's no need to answer him.
So what if the answer is yes, we won't be together anymore.
So what if the answer is no, you'll just get more sad.
And since I've already claim that boyfriend has walk me out of the past, what's the point? Plus, I really don't wish to quarrel or argue with boyfriend because of this topic. 说出来只是想让你了解我的想法, 我不后悔作了你的女朋友. 就算你和我在12月15日没有在一起, 我现在只会是单生,不会回到他身边.
No point..
Till next,
xoxo