Before typing this out to post, I actually pen this down on a notebook. Although I never get to finish writing it, but still gotta post this. To pen this down, I didn't do it to check my sentence structure, not even my grammer, vocab or spelling..

Just thought this is worth to be read by some kuku people who will happen to come by this notebook or what. And it will be forever in my memory, no matter what future I hold. And my reflection is none other than about my '3rd mum' also known as Jonathan's mum.

She passed away on the 26 August 2009 at about 10 plus at night. I would say it was quite a shock for me. Although it was kind of expected in a matter of time, but I just didn't expect it to be so soon.

I seriously hope that she left for heaven happily and peacefully. Jonathan, his sister ans=d his dad was around by her side when she left. Although their concentration wasn't on her, but it was already like all the people that she love was all around.

No more pain for her to suffer anymore.

(my note was till here, cos I was really tired)

Her death cause a big heartache to me. Because the fact that things wasn't going too smoothly for me already.. But at the same time, I really see true friends of his. They don't say much, but they were just there, to give him a pat on his shoulders, give him the strength that he needs. He's really lucky to have them. This bunch of friends who always try their best to make it for him. Compare to them, I'm nothing better. All I did was sit down there and be with him. Even asking me to take all days to be AL, I also cant do it, what sort of girlfriend am I.

I just can't be compared to him at all..

I just can't be a very good girlfriend at all..
Maybe just a good friend, I guess..

Just a failure..

Jonathan's mum is feeling very unwell. The cancer cells have once again came back and this time round attacked her brain. Just heard from the doctor that it's confirm that her spine has got it as well.. She is having breathing difficulties, and in pain. The doctor said that she may go anytime..

I'm trying to show my care and concern.

But is it enough?

It's has been long,
since I last click on Blogger.com
and click on posting,
sank my heart,
hold my tears,
to write down something that I'm feeling..

I thought all I need was a friend,
or maybe a boyfriend,
maybe a diary
just to rant about life, work and love.
But it doesn't seem so..

But even given this space, I don't feel free to write whatever I want to.
There're still bound to be people who will say out whatever I've posted.
And it makes it seem that, I've no freedom at all..

Maybe I just need MENTHOL.