L E A R N; from shits

♥♥♥: you'll learn; through my tears

@ Monday, March 29, 2010

Was talking to boyfriend on the phone just now. I'm kind of sad that he cried because of how much we aren't meeting up. It make me realized that it isn't that easy to being able to challenge yourself. He was the one who told me that we shouldn't meet everyday, because once we get use to this, it will be difficult for us next time.

So I decided that after his 4 days off days plus public holidays leave, we should start this 'system'. I must say I'm taking it quite okay. Maybe because of my previous relationship, I endured more than this. But for him, 4 years without a girlfriend, I guess it's really hard on him. But I seriously don't know how to put it across him that this must carry on or we'll never learn.

I know that tears are bound to drop through- out a relationship. But I admit I never expect to drop these much of tears just in this short period of 3 months.

And in my previous entry on my blog, I wrote,

Well.. Many times, I feel very 委屈 because of your families. Like I never understand why do I have to give in to the unreasonable thinking of theirs. But I guess, if you choose to stand with them totally, I would probly gave up this relationship.

Maybe you feel that you've done me wrong about standing on the side of your Dad, and thus it allows a number of things to seem impossible to do. But I did explain to you that, at least between me and her, you still feel that you'll be on my side to support me.

I didn't mind about the number of things that we couldn't do, but I look at the number of things that at least we still are able to do. You did feel that by standing on your Dad's side, you seem so 对不起 me. But I understand why you did it. 委屈, I'll get over this someday.

Anyway, since this is my blog, and whoever you're reading this will only be considered as my readers. No matter how you're related to me. I want to post about certain things that I can't talk about in front of certain people. At least, give me a ranting space, I really need it so much. You don't have to comment, because I'm not waiting for this to generate how I'm going to think.

Was on MSN with ex- boyfriend just now.

We were talking about random stuffs. But then, he began to ask me about my relationship now. I told him that it's fine just that there's certain issues here and there. He even ask me to invite him to my wedding if I do, get married.

Then I ask him about his girlfriend. And he told me that he's still single. So, what about the Thai girlfriend? He told me they were just friends. But he did told me before that he was so ready to go attach with this Thai girl and maybe up till the status of getting married.

He just told me that when he told me those, it was his drunken days.

Days when he got drunk because of me. Because I got attached again, but the person that I was attached to wasn't him, but someone else.

And worst still, it's been half a year since we broke up, and he told me that he haven't got over it. Should I be smiling because of how much I actually am able to influence him or should I cry because I didn't endure more enough to go through this really hard times with him.

He asked me, do I still have feelings for him..

I didn't answer him.

I really wanted to deny, but is too difficult.

After all, 4 years..

Been through so much..

But I guess what Bob say is right,

"if you can't get over it, just get use to it"

and like what I post on my facebook status before,

"for some reasons, if you cant get someone out of your head, .. then maybe they are supposed to be there"

I will just let you stay there. Maybe just act like the video guide to my life, to my relationship. After all, no matter how much I wanted to tell him the truth, I'll always remember, I'm already somebody else girlfriend.. The more I say, the 3 of us is going to get hurt more.

I'm not going to bid him goodbye, I'll still choose to stay as his friend. But I never will answer him that question.

Just for one reason, I'm already somebody else girlfriend, there's no need to answer him.

So what if the answer is yes, we won't be together anymore.

So what if the answer is no, you'll just get more sad.

And since I've already claim that boyfriend has walk me out of the past, what's the point? Plus, I really don't wish to quarrel or argue with boyfriend because of this topic. 说出来只是想让你了解我的想法, 我不后悔作了你的女朋友. 就算你和我在12月15日没有在一起, 我现在只会是单生,不会回到他身边.

No point..

Till next,

xoxo

♥♥♥: 3 months; what have i learn?

@ Saturday, March 27, 2010

Never knew that time could pass so fast even when I'm with you, Luo DQ.

We allow so many people to be involve. And we allow so many cares and concerns. But we haven't taken a step back to clearly see what they have done for us.

I've never forget the day that we started our relationship, on the 15th December 2009.

Just 3 days after Zoukout. When I actually went down to join you and some others for a drink. And when I find it weird that you actually asked me out. Even though all along I knew that you had feelings for me. But I never thought you will actually pop out the question. Because some concern people also asked why are you taking so long to pop it out or maybe you'll just never pop out this question.

I still remember the first time we hold each other hand was even before we were together. I never forget how you took the initiative to send me home taking 961 even though at that point of time we could have cab home. I knew you wanted to drag the time with me.

Just like the first time I went to your place after a drunk night at East Coast Park. Always remember the anxious face of yours when waiting for me to reach there. And that link to the first time I sat on your Honda CBR 400.

Time flies, when our relationship begin to count in months, we started to quarrel/ argue. And every disagreement that we had will always link to quarrels and arguments. And like you say, every time when we quarrel or argue, I'll bring out breakup.

You know sometimes, I also don't understand why would I keep bringing out the word. But sometimes I just feel that I really 配不上你. You often stop me from saying these, but on realizing how good you're, often I would think that a girl like me don't deserve you.

I admit I've a very bad temper ever since after I quit Zouk. You can say is Zouk who change me, or maybe you can say is what happen at Zouk that changes me. But I still love Zouk a lot, not to talk about whatever I dislike. But it allow me to meet some of the people you know I really love, and that includes you.

2 days ago, we sat down and had a very long conversation about our relationship. Hopefully, we both learn something from it. Because I know, we don't have this kind of chances often. Not talking about the length we'll be together but the time we have for each other.

Just about an hour or so ago, you send me this message:

Baby.. I can't sleep.. Fall also just now woke up again.. Hai.. I thinking of you.. Here my emo message.. Here it goes..
Time flies, it's been 3 months plus le. Missing the days you sleeping beside me.. Our journey really very difficult.. Like the waves up and down.. How much I wish you will be right beside me now, hug me to sleep.. Dear, it's you who light up my love life again.. I hope that this light will never go off.. Cause I really love you a lot a lot.. And I don't know what will happen if really one day you walk out of my life.. Your place in my heart will never be replaced by anyone else.. Baby, I love you..

Well.. Many times, I feel very 委屈 because of your families. Like I never understand why do I have to give in to the unreasonable thinking of theirs. But I guess, if you choose to stand with them totally, I would probly gave up this relationship.

Seriously, I don't know if I would ever leave your life. Because whatever will happen tomorrow is a mystery. No one will know.. I hope I'll never. Because if there comes a day we separate, I guess, I'll stop being involved in relationship already.

But for now, no matter how tired I'm, I'll try my best, for your sake. Hopefully, you'll see. And we'll build the solid foundation that we've mention the other day.

Thank you for all that you've done. If without you appearing in my life, I guess I'll still be single now. Thank you for making me fall in love with you. For without you, I guess, I wouldn't have move on from the past.

Love you, to the max,

xoxo

♥♥♥: BAH; boring shits!

@ Wednesday, March 3, 2010

BAH!

Boyfriend off day last minute change to Tuesday. BAH! It was suppose to be a Sunday lor, I plan already to go zoo already leh. Hai.. Spoiler lor!

Zzz..

xoxo

♥♥♥: 21st; the welcoming of freedom or the load of responsibility

@ Monday, March 1, 2010

21st.

The fight between freedom and responsibility.

People say, 21st, the age of receiving the key to the freedom. I've got my key as a birthday gift. So does it suggest that I've gotten my freedom? But I feel that when the freedom is given to you, you gotta handle that responsibility. Because you've gotten your freedom, you're free to do anything. However if there should be any fault in what you do, then you will have the responsibility of solving it.

So in this case, does it mean that responsibility comes with freedom?

The understanding of growing up.

Growing up to the age of 21. You've learn about life for the last 21 years. You've learn about the different problems that may occur, the different ways of solving these problems.

With what you've learn last 21 years, can you use them to handle your rest of the life?

The ways of handling problems.

Hmmm.. I guess at the age of 21, you need to learn to handle problems in a mature way. And not always crying a corner, getting yourself drunk cos you cant solve it? And think for the people around you more? Everyone has problems. So why burden them with your problems?

The rights of proclaiming.

Having the right to fight what's yours. Should you think you deserve it, then go get for it!

The responsibility to your actions.

The freedom of your time and your life.

But by not doing it overboard. You're still liable for your actions to people who care for you. But as time goes on, the environment changes, you'll have more control.

The knowing of rights and wrongs.

Knowing what's right and wrong. Grouping them according. And of course doing mostly the right thing to satisfy yourself and the need or wants to work towards your goal.

The knowledge of reading people expressions.

No longer a kid. A kid who can't study from other be it facial, oral, body expression. Learn to accept and know what to do by looking at their expression. More importantly, knowing how to zhuo ren!

The determination to work for what you wish.

If you have a goal, work for it. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

The relationships that you handle.

I guess this is the part that a lot of people will tend to miss out. Handling relationship isn't as easy as it seems. Sometimes you got to know that you are liable towards that.

Like say, a kinship,

Family members are the one who accompanied you the moment you were born. You have their blood running in you. No matter how much you hate them, you still gotta understand that no water is thicker than blood. But however, should you choose to ignore this certain family member, always know your limits. There is no forever hate, just like people who don't trust forever love.

Like friendship,

Human and human relationship. Be it, where, how, when, what, why you know the person. You consider the person as your friend. Take this up and treat them the way you should. See from your own eyes and no listen from other people mouths.

Like relationship,

This is something that you've taken up willingly. So therefore, knowing how to maintain a relationship is something to learn. Little quarrels or arguments can help build up the relationship, but, one should never throw tantrums always on the other party. Knowing when and how to seek attention from each other is also important.

And never to bring out what happen in the past in your quarrels or arguments always. It'll surely hurt each other during the process. Once you've learn how to appreciate each other and understand the fact that everyday, there is something you'll learn new about each other. That is maintaining a healthy relationship.

But, it doesn't mean that a healthy relationship will exclude quarrels and arguments. It should happens but a healthy couple will infuse the quarrels or arguments in the most peaceful way to create less amount of hurt on each other.

Work hard and smart,

Learn of different ways to face everyday.

Be yourself.

Sweet 21st,

xoxo