jing-a-lism

what future do i face; when the truth is out

2010-04-29T02:40:00.004+08:00

Oh well.. He finally knows it. Something that I thought I would just hide forever in order save all the friendships. Because this is the ending that I know will break me apart.

But he's right. How long can I hide from him? I can't possibly hide from him forever. I'm tired of all the hauntings. Is so torturing. Can you imagine having nightmares so often. And the nightmares can haunt you day and night? And I know I love him, and if the longer I drag, the outcome can be even worse. I'm so afraid that what the fortune teller say is true. Because if that's the case, then I would feel that whatever we've been through, especially the tough shits is all wasted.

But seriously, I can't lose any of them. All of them are too important to me.

I don't know what I can do now. I guess it wouldn't be the same anymore.

And I feel that I'll never gain back his trust. I'm sorry, I make you sob once again.. I'm sorry to lie about all this.

If time turns back, I rather I told you the truth the day you told me yours.

A relationship is based on trust. I hope somehow or rather, I'll gain it back.

I'm truly sorry, you know who you're.

This song, I listened to it the day you told me about yours. I'm dedicating to you now.

我竟然沒有調頭　最殘忍那一刻
靜靜看你走　一點都不像我
原來人會變得溫柔　是透徹的懂了
愛情是流動的　不由人的　何必激動著要理由
相信你只是怕傷害我　不是騙我　很愛過誰會捨得
把我的夢搖醒了　宣佈幸福不會來了
用心酸微笑去原諒了　也翻越了　有昨天還是好的
但明天是自己的　開始懂了　快樂是選擇

I really am just afraid to hurt you..

I'm sorry, once again.

xoxo

life; indeed it's different

2010-04-24T08:04:00.002+08:00

Kind of of stressed out. I don't know why.

Am I really having too much thoughts? Or just afraid of facing what may seem to happen? Oh well.. I'm lost. Seriously..

Until now, I still find joy in talking to people about God. Sharing past experiences of being in church and so on. I often wonder why. I've left church 4 - 5 years ago. Why do I still feel the joy of the church, the happiest and comfortableness of hearing and humming to praise and worship songs. But, there's one thing I wouldn't deny. I still considered myself as a Christian and I still love God. However, I still feel that I wouldn't want to return to church so yet. I'm so afraid of committing myself now.

And.. Does that (the last sentence I've mention) refers to my life?

Sometimes, I really wish I'm still single.

Is it because of the commitments?

I wonder..

I mean. Thing isn't the same when you're attached. There're bound to be restrictions here and there. And what really make things worst is when: you really just need your partner to understand some things, but you ended up getting misunderstood and causes a quarrel/ argument. Being attached means you're not only doing thing and being liable to yourself but also your partner.

Seriously, it can be a tired chore (I would call that- being responsible to both you and your partner). But somehow, it also can be this that you learn.

I wouldn't deny that my partner make me realize tons of things. But he does, make me hate certain things to the max as well.

Being in a relationship is such a love and hate situation.

You love it for the fact that there's always someone there for you. To dote on you. To brush your hair to make you feel the love. To.. Blah blah blah...

Being in a relationship, I believe make you change yourself to accommodate the person you're with as well. Which.. Can be good or bad.

I did realize that my relationship now change me a lot.

From being a super short tempered person NOT to a long tempered. But at least, now I'm able to control my temper. From a person that talks too straight (I still does when the person talks "too straight" to me), I try not to pick on the person weaknesses. From being super super glue, I try to keep my cool, control it, let him rest then give him the love that he needs.

But seriously.. Changing myself, I think can be good, can be bad.

But now, I'll see how it goes before I comment on..

It's my life anyway. Maybe just a different way of living it. (:

Till then,

xoxo

when i tell my story; you listen

2010-04-21T00:48:00.003+08:00

I've no idea how long can this blog post goes. I feel like I've a shitload of stuffs to rant about, but I'm thinking maybe by the time I've finish ranting about the first one, I may have forget about what I want to rant next.

It's funny when I realize the way I blog. I can like finish 1 paragraph, then go surf net, then come back and continue another paragraph.

It has been rather the toughest relationship I've been through until now. I can be so pissed, so fierce (my devil side), yet also I can be so patience.

I never understood what have I become after being in this relationship for 4 months now. And I often ask myself if I'm satisfied.

Seriously, it isn't easy on me.

I can declare to the whole world, I'm a MUMMY'S GIRL!

Since young I've been so protected by my mum because of what the family is going through at the moment of time. Times whereby I knew I made a mistake, Mummy will still pretend that it's somebody else mistake in front of them (though I get my lecture only at home).

Never of my boyfriend has been so fierce to me.

I can always shout back at you. But you never knew in my heart, I'm trembling. Even my mum doesn't talk to me that way.

Sometimes I feel like even when I tell my story, I'll only get negative feedback. I'm not complaining, I know you're like that. But have you ever understand what I need? When I said that I had a nightmare, you question me back and asked me why dream about all this, you're thinking too much. How will I feel?

I mean, do you understand why I tell you I had a nightmare. Do you really see the reason behind it? It isn't everything you've to "splash cold water". It's sad. Because just for one fact. I'm MISS GIRLFRIEND and not just a friend. I feel that I deserve more than a friend.

And I bet I'll be said as I also concern about my friend more than my boyfriend. But maybe you should ask my friend..

And is just like today, at the pub. You saw Aunt Cecilla (Boss's mum), you ask me to leave quickly, you're afraid that the bosses will once again come and make me drunk. Then I told you that I text one of them and they're not in town. Your reply? Why you message him? You want them to come down and drink with you right?

I almost wanted to walk off.

Because I smell something call NO TRUST.

I'm disappointed.

You always trust yourself that I'll be like that, and I can't change for you. Just like when you question me things like, if I work more, I'll have less time for you, and you're bound to complain. You just trust yourself that I'll be like that forever. You've already given me a death sentence even before I could prove to you in actions.

I mean..

What else can I say.

I bet when you see this blog post you'll be fuming mad. Why do I have to post this here. ONLINE. Why haven't I considered about your pride.

But seriously, my only explanation is, I dare not tell you in person.

Sometimes I begin to question myself if it was worthwhile. But because you told me right from the start the you see a future, and you want to create a future with me, I endure.

And because of this relationship, I begin to realize that HUMAN ONLY SEE WHAT YOU HAVE NOT DONE. AND NOT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

I seriously feel that I've changed so much. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself. I feel like I'm a completely different person.

Never in my life I have to endure so much pain.

Never once when I blog, I tear..

Never, ...

"Sometimes you just need someone. Someone to make you smile when you’re sad, to tell you you’re beautiful. Someone to look forward to seeing you everyday Someone to call you every night just to say I love you and mean it"

Then,

xoxo

mood swing; part and parcel of life

2010-04-09T01:57:00.003+08:00

SUPER MOOD SWING!

-to be continue-

-edited-

After posting the 3 words above yesterday, I went to sleep. I'm not going to type a super long post. Somehow I feel that I'm still having the mood swing in me. Most properly, woman's day is coming..

I'm smoking while blogging up this post. Seriously, I've zero mood to blog.

Everything seem so lifeless.

But somehow, it seem weird. I'm having the normal sleep at night, wake up in the morning habit now. Somehow, I wonder, why now??

Mummiie finally agree to my air steward interview. Should I go?

Totally no mood,

xoxo

you'll learn; through my tears

2010-03-29T00:47:00.006+08:00

Was talking to boyfriend on the phone just now. I'm kind of sad that he cried because of how much we aren't meeting up. It make me realized that it isn't that easy to being able to challenge yourself. He was the one who told me that we shouldn't meet everyday, because once we get use to this, it will be difficult for us next time.

So I decided that after his 4 days off days plus public holidays leave, we should start this 'system'. I must say I'm taking it quite okay. Maybe because of my previous relationship, I endured more than this. But for him, 4 years without a girlfriend, I guess it's really hard on him. But I seriously don't know how to put it across him that this must carry on or we'll never learn.

I know that tears are bound to drop through- out a relationship. But I admit I never expect to drop these much of tears just in this short period of 3 months.

And in my previous entry on my blog, I wrote,

Well.. Many times, I feel very 委屈 because of your families. Like I never understand why do I have to give in to the unreasonable thinking of theirs. But I guess, if you choose to stand with them totally, I would probly gave up this relationship.

Maybe you feel that you've done me wrong about standing on the side of your Dad, and thus it allows a number of things to seem impossible to do. But I did explain to you that, at least between me and her, you still feel that you'll be on my side to support me.

I didn't mind about the number of things that we couldn't do, but I look at the number of things that at least we still are able to do. You did feel that by standing on your Dad's side, you seem so 对不起 me. But I understand why you did it. 委屈, I'll get over this someday.

Anyway, since this is my blog, and whoever you're reading this will only be considered as my readers. No matter how you're related to me. I want to post about certain things that I can't talk about in front of certain people. At least, give me a ranting space, I really need it so much. You don't have to comment, because I'm not waiting for this to generate how I'm going to think.

Was on MSN with ex- boyfriend just now.

We were talking about random stuffs. But then, he began to ask me about my relationship now. I told him that it's fine just that there's certain issues here and there. He even ask me to invite him to my wedding if I do, get married.

Then I ask him about his girlfriend. And he told me that he's still single. So, what about the Thai girlfriend? He told me they were just friends. But he did told me before that he was so ready to go attach with this Thai girl and maybe up till the status of getting married.

He just told me that when he told me those, it was his drunken days.

Days when he got drunk because of me. Because I got attached again, but the person that I was attached to wasn't him, but someone else.

And worst still, it's been half a year since we broke up, and he told me that he haven't got over it. Should I be smiling because of how much I actually am able to influence him or should I cry because I didn't endure more enough to go through this really hard times with him.

He asked me, do I still have feelings for him..

I didn't answer him.

I really wanted to deny, but is too difficult.

After all, 4 years..

Been through so much..

But I guess what Bob say is right,

"if you can't get over it, just get use to it"

and like what I post on my facebook status before,

"for some reasons, if you cant get someone out of your head, .. then maybe they are supposed to be there"

I will just let you stay there. Maybe just act like the video guide to my life, to my relationship. After all, no matter how much I wanted to tell him the truth, I'll always remember, I'm already somebody else girlfriend.. The more I say, the 3 of us is going to get hurt more.

I'm not going to bid him goodbye, I'll still choose to stay as his friend. But I never will answer him that question.

Just for one reason, I'm already somebody else girlfriend, there's no need to answer him.

So what if the answer is yes, we won't be together anymore.

So what if the answer is no, you'll just get more sad.

And since I've already claim that boyfriend has walk me out of the past, what's the point? Plus, I really don't wish to quarrel or argue with boyfriend because of this topic. 说出来只是想让你了解我的想法, 我不后悔作了你的女朋友. 就算你和我在12月15日没有在一起, 我现在只会是单生,不会回到他身边.

No point..

Till next,

xoxo

3 months; what have i learn?

2010-03-27T03:19:00.004+08:00

Never knew that time could pass so fast even when I'm with you, Luo DQ.

We allow so many people to be involve. And we allow so many cares and concerns. But we haven't taken a step back to clearly see what they have done for us.

I've never forget the day that we started our relationship, on the 15th December 2009.

Just 3 days after Zoukout. When I actually went down to join you and some others for a drink. And when I find it weird that you actually asked me out. Even though all along I knew that you had feelings for me. But I never thought you will actually pop out the question. Because some concern people also asked why are you taking so long to pop it out or maybe you'll just never pop out this question.

I still remember the first time we hold each other hand was even before we were together. I never forget how you took the initiative to send me home taking 961 even though at that point of time we could have cab home. I knew you wanted to drag the time with me.

Just like the first time I went to your place after a drunk night at East Coast Park. Always remember the anxious face of yours when waiting for me to reach there. And that link to the first time I sat on your Honda CBR 400.

Time flies, when our relationship begin to count in months, we started to quarrel/ argue. And every disagreement that we had will always link to quarrels and arguments. And like you say, every time when we quarrel or argue, I'll bring out breakup.

You know sometimes, I also don't understand why would I keep bringing out the word. But sometimes I just feel that I really 配不上你. You often stop me from saying these, but on realizing how good you're, often I would think that a girl like me don't deserve you.

I admit I've a very bad temper ever since after I quit Zouk. You can say is Zouk who change me, or maybe you can say is what happen at Zouk that changes me. But I still love Zouk a lot, not to talk about whatever I dislike. But it allow me to meet some of the people you know I really love, and that includes you.

2 days ago, we sat down and had a very long conversation about our relationship. Hopefully, we both learn something from it. Because I know, we don't have this kind of chances often. Not talking about the length we'll be together but the time we have for each other.

Just about an hour or so ago, you send me this message:

Baby.. I can't sleep.. Fall also just now woke up again.. Hai.. I thinking of you.. Here my emo message.. Here it goes..
Time flies, it's been 3 months plus le. Missing the days you sleeping beside me.. Our journey really very difficult.. Like the waves up and down.. How much I wish you will be right beside me now, hug me to sleep.. Dear, it's you who light up my love life again.. I hope that this light will never go off.. Cause I really love you a lot a lot.. And I don't know what will happen if really one day you walk out of my life.. Your place in my heart will never be replaced by anyone else.. Baby, I love you..

Well.. Many times, I feel very 委屈 because of your families. Like I never understand why do I have to give in to the unreasonable thinking of theirs. But I guess, if you choose to stand with them totally, I would probly gave up this relationship.

Seriously, I don't know if I would ever leave your life. Because whatever will happen tomorrow is a mystery. No one will know.. I hope I'll never. Because if there comes a day we separate, I guess, I'll stop being involved in relationship already.

But for now, no matter how tired I'm, I'll try my best, for your sake. Hopefully, you'll see. And we'll build the solid foundation that we've mention the other day.

Thank you for all that you've done. If without you appearing in my life, I guess I'll still be single now. Thank you for making me fall in love with you. For without you, I guess, I wouldn't have move on from the past.

Love you, to the max,

xoxo

BAH; boring shits!

2010-03-03T00:52:00.002+08:00

BAH!

Boyfriend off day last minute change to Tuesday. BAH! It was suppose to be a Sunday lor, I plan already to go zoo already leh. Hai.. Spoiler lor!

Zzz..

xoxo

21st; the welcoming of freedom or the load of responsibility

2010-03-01T16:58:00.003+08:00

21st.

The fight between freedom and responsibility.

People say, 21st, the age of receiving the key to the freedom. I've got my key as a birthday gift. So does it suggest that I've gotten my freedom? But I feel that when the freedom is given to you, you gotta handle that responsibility. Because you've gotten your freedom, you're free to do anything. However if there should be any fault in what you do, then you will have the responsibility of solving it.

So in this case, does it mean that responsibility comes with freedom?

The understanding of growing up.

Growing up to the age of 21. You've learn about life for the last 21 years. You've learn about the different problems that may occur, the different ways of solving these problems.

With what you've learn last 21 years, can you use them to handle your rest of the life?

The ways of handling problems.

Hmmm.. I guess at the age of 21, you need to learn to handle problems in a mature way. And not always crying a corner, getting yourself drunk cos you cant solve it? And think for the people around you more? Everyone has problems. So why burden them with your problems?

The rights of proclaiming.

Having the right to fight what's yours. Should you think you deserve it, then go get for it!

The responsibility to your actions.

The freedom of your time and your life.

But by not doing it overboard. You're still liable for your actions to people who care for you. But as time goes on, the environment changes, you'll have more control.

The knowing of rights and wrongs.

Knowing what's right and wrong. Grouping them according. And of course doing mostly the right thing to satisfy yourself and the need or wants to work towards your goal.

The knowledge of reading people expressions.

No longer a kid. A kid who can't study from other be it facial, oral, body expression. Learn to accept and know what to do by looking at their expression. More importantly, knowing how to zhuo ren!

The determination to work for what you wish.

If you have a goal, work for it. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

The relationships that you handle.

I guess this is the part that a lot of people will tend to miss out. Handling relationship isn't as easy as it seems. Sometimes you got to know that you are liable towards that.

Like say, a kinship,

Family members are the one who accompanied you the moment you were born. You have their blood running in you. No matter how much you hate them, you still gotta understand that no water is thicker than blood. But however, should you choose to ignore this certain family member, always know your limits. There is no forever hate, just like people who don't trust forever love.

Like friendship,

Human and human relationship. Be it, where, how, when, what, why you know the person. You consider the person as your friend. Take this up and treat them the way you should. See from your own eyes and no listen from other people mouths.

Like relationship,

This is something that you've taken up willingly. So therefore, knowing how to maintain a relationship is something to learn. Little quarrels or arguments can help build up the relationship, but, one should never throw tantrums always on the other party. Knowing when and how to seek attention from each other is also important.

And never to bring out what happen in the past in your quarrels or arguments always. It'll surely hurt each other during the process. Once you've learn how to appreciate each other and understand the fact that everyday, there is something you'll learn new about each other. That is maintaining a healthy relationship.

But, it doesn't mean that a healthy relationship will exclude quarrels and arguments. It should happens but a healthy couple will infuse the quarrels or arguments in the most peaceful way to create less amount of hurt on each other.

Work hard and smart,

Learn of different ways to face everyday.

Be yourself.

Sweet 21st,

xoxo

解脱; 是肯承认这是个错我不应该还不放手. 解脱; 是懂擦干泪看以后找个新方向往前走

2010-02-18T02:31:00.007+08:00

解脱

歌手：张惠妹
作词姚若龙作曲许华强

爱是不夜城
回忆像星辰
热泪越沸腾
我越感觉有点冷
变了心的人
越想越伤人
枯坐到清晨
阳光替房间开了灯
想若结局一样
又何苦再想
想若让人成长
我为什么怕分手的伤
解脱是肯承认这是个错
我不应该还不放手
你有自由走我有自由好好过
解脱是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔
我总会实现一个梦
心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头
不要爱我的人再担心我

I rest my case on Jonathan. Above will explain everything. But no matter what, he'll still be a friend of mine. (=
解脱; 是肯承认这是个错我不应该还不放手.
解脱; 是懂擦干泪看以后找个新方向往前走.

It time to delicate myself to the new baby now. ((=

Enjoy the song,
xoxo

KARMA; What Goes Around, Comes Around

2010-02-09T01:19:00.002+08:00

Some people call it Karma, some people call it challenges from God, and so, what do you call it?

Adapted from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karma:

Karma (Sanskrit: कर्म kárma (help·info), kárman- "act, action, performance"^[1]; Pali: kamma) in Indian religions is the concept of "action" or "deed", understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect (i.e., the cycle called saṃsāra) originating in ancient India and treated in Hindu, Jain, Sikh and Buddhist^[2] philosophies.

'Karma' is an Eastern religious concept in contradistinction to 'faith' espoused by Abrahamic religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), which view all human dramas as the will of God as opposed to present - and past - life actions. In theistic schools of Hinduism, humans have free will to choose good or evil and suffer the consequences, which require the will of God to implement karma's consequences, unlike Buddhism or Jainism which do not accord any role to a supreme God or gods. In Eastern beliefs, the karmic effects of all deeds are viewed as actively shaping past, present, and future experiences. The results or 'fruits' of actions are called karma-phala.^[3]

And from my understanding of challenges from God:

In Christians belief, God often give them challenges. Unless they're able to learn something from and "pass" the challenge, then it'll never come back to back. If not, God will keep giving them this challenge back in any ways till they "pass".

Back on track, I'm like a mood swing girl. Nothing seem to satisfy me this few days. I can't even smile till the end of the day and often always spoil the mood of people meeting me when my mood swing period for that day is about to reach.

Sigh..

The problem is, I feel so pressurized once again. And yes, regarding boyfriend's parents AGAIN! I really have no freaking idea how to deal with it. And it's pure irritating sometimes. Okay, sad to say, not that I don't want to impress them or whatever, but I don't know how AT ALL! Sometimes, I just feel that I didn't step on their tail or what, but I'm like being treated like I own them a living by dating their son. Why can't they just put home matters aside when I'm around? I'm still considered a guest right? Is tiring, even when boyfriend doesn't find it tiring/ irritating at all, I just don't like it. It just totally reminds me of the past family problems. And I don't like to think of it! It suck big time to be reminded of him!!

And gosh! When the hell can I get my December '09 plus January '10 salary. Ni zhu mu, ME really farking cheebye broke already. Continue dragging how I celebrate my purple Valentine Day and my 21st Birthday Bash?? TELL ME!!!!! Ang bao money take already also become belated purple Valentine Day already.

I think I've ranted enough for now. Back to my IOM assignment. (zzz..)

Till then,

xoxo

Clearance Done; what's left?

2010-02-01T23:20:00.002+08:00

Just last Saturday, I went back to Zouk to do my last clearance. Nothing in Zouk now belongs to me already. Completely nothing.

The timing that I went back was the time they were having role-call. It sucks! I won't deny I miss so many things of Zouk. The people, the bar, the music and of course my regulars. Worst still, I saw Khai and Charmaine. My 2 beloved bitches!! Argh.. But coming to think of it, how often do I want to go back there?? To club? To work as CL?

Hmmm.. I'm lost..

Assignments are all coming to due, and what have I done? Gosh! I better kick my own butt before getting kick from others. Sigh..

Worst still, I'm not feeling well again. What's wrong with me? Lying down on the sofa in every position and it all feel so uncomfortable.

Chaotic feeling! I need something back! But what is it??

I'm lost..

Till next,
xoxo

trying my best; but still like shit

2010-01-30T16:24:00.004+08:00

There's seriously something wrong with me. I'm getting duper emotional this few days. Like for a moment I can be craving for boyfriend, but at other end, I'm thinking about something else.

You appeared in my dreams again. And this time round is a short one. Somehow or rather, I still feel something. But like what I say in the previous post, let's just maintain the ********** that we shared.

If only I could like brainwash myself. Sis is right. The 4 years came too early, too early to settle what we want after the 4 years. Like there's no other way to move already then therefore break up is the only solution. Sometimes I wish that we never got back together after the instructor thing. Cause I feel like the devil in this relationship. And I'm bringing this guilt along with me throughout after that incident. And this guilt just grew stronger when more things began to happen.

I guess it's time to pack up. And move everything out. But still, everything seem easier said than done.

I hope you enjoy your trip. (=

Until the next entry,
xoxo

breathing in; understanding wisdom

2010-01-27T00:58:00.004+08:00

I've always been clicking into this blog of mine, just to access to the links to read others and never thought of updating mine.

With all that I've been feeling, thinking, emo-ing about this few days, I thought maybe it's time to type out something. At least, there are people reading, understanding.

2009, a year that past so fast, that sometimes I didn't even realize what I'm doing. It's seem like I've delicate myself to Zouk in the year 2009. Everyday, every hour, every minute, every second is all about them. Like I don't have time to sit down and breathe whatever that doesn't belong to Zouk. It's seem like every memory I've about 2009 is all about Zouk. The staffs, the managements, the customers, the bars, etc.. Even like remembering the most painful decision of leaving Jonathan, is also on my way to Zouk. Like WTH, why is everything all about Zouk.

Since last Friday, I've ended my career at Zouk. Stepping onto another stone, going towards gaining more knowledge. Enrolled myself into SIM for further education. Management Studies, if you want to ask what course did I apply for.

With regards to Jonathan, I would say I have already move on. It doesn't matter whether whose faults it is already. It just matter that I decided that he isn't the one for me. I may feel the pain, the pain that I would describe as no amount of tears could easily make me feel better. No matter what, it's still a 4 years relationship. But now, it'll grow in a friendship way..

Whatever happened, I've put behind me. I've realize that I've always been look at like one of them by you. No matter how disappointed I get with you, I just choose to carry on with the *********** that we share. I just hope you'll always be there for me, like I'll for you. (=

With a new love coming in now, I'll just try my best.

Till the next entry,
xoxo

Varsity - Lost then Found

2009-11-27T09:51:00.001+08:00

You dont gotta worry anymore
Girl I got a feeling since you walked through the door
That we dont need nobody but the two of us
Just you and me against the world

We dont gotta look for it, it's so hard
You and me were lost now were in each others arms
Finally we found something that we can hold
And I cant let it go cause now (tell me how)

Lost in your love and it's pulled me in
Searching for some kind of sign to begin
Caught in your world and I'm turned around
Now that you got me lost then found
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
You got me lost then found
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
Now that you got me lost then found

I dont go to see it to believe
All that I gotta know is that you never would leave
And you dont need the story of how my heart broke
Cause I can tell you already know

I don't know how he treats you so bad
I can almost hear all of the things that he said
But we dont need to spend even one minute longer
Thinkin' about the past
What doesnt kill us makes us stronger now

Lost in your love and it's pulled me in
Searching for some kind of sign to begin
Caught in your world and I'm turned around
Now that you got me lost then found
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
You got me lost then found
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
Now that you got me lost then found

Whenever youre lost at sea baby just call for me
Cause you know Ill be calling for you
Whenever you turn the page dance on another stage
Know in this life Ill be dancing with you

Took me, you got me and turned me around
Now look what we found...

Lost in your love and it's pulled me in
Searching for some kind of sign to begin
Caught in your world and I'm turned around
Now that you got me lost then found
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
You got me lost then found
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
Im looking and youre looking
Now that you got me lost then found

single life; bitching life

2009-11-22T08:26:00.002+08:00

Back from work like 2 hours ago. I'm feeling very tired from a day slammed shits. Am watching America Next Top Model Cycle 13, surfing facebook, tweeting about the awesome day, and suddenly got this feel, of blogging..

But I'm like thinking what to blog. Practically, I'm not really into ranting about work stuff online, because I don't know who the readers are. And also, if you're close to me, you would know that part of my family members still doesn't know where I'm working and what kind of life am I leading now.

Listening to iTunes. Coincidentally, it keeps playing Jay Chou's songs. And it just dwell on me that Mr Jay's 2009 album isn't out yet. I'm waiting!

What else?

School haven't send me e-mail yet, really worried. Am I not selected??? Acceptance mail faster come come come!

Genting is boring shit. I think I prefer KL. At least shopping is better. I really want to go Taiwan!!!!! People around me are like traveling there and I can only see them enjoy! ENVY~!

Woohoo~!

I'm lost of words..

I'M BACK!

2009-11-11T00:43:00.002+08:00

BACK to blogging. been through shit after shits after shitssssss..
too reluctant to blog about these shits, if you know, just keep to yourself, I'll appreciate it in any way. if you don't, too bad for you.

Anyway, it's back to single life. for approximately 2 months already. enjoying it, maybe just lag of something here and there. it's okay, I'll get use to it, since it's irreplaceable. it's just different, you must understand, friends love, family love and relationship love, always irreplaceable by anything. 3 are different types of love. none can replace any. But it's okay, I'm satisfied already, for now. don't ask me what happen, why choose to go back single. it's a full-stop already, enough said.

back to work, I've not much to blog about. since people are already invading into this little privacy that i can have, it seem that there wouldn't be any right channels to rant about work anymore. hopefully, just get done with this year, and hopefully next year will be better? awaiting for the bonus, awaiting for zoukout. that's all!

i really wanna meet up with all the people whom i've been missing out. since now I'm single and available, DATE ME!

A Reflection

2009-08-31T13:39:00.000+08:00

Before typing this out to post, I actually pen this down on a notebook. Although I never get to finish writing it, but still gotta post this. To pen this down, I didn't do it to check my sentence structure, not even my grammer, vocab or spelling..

Just thought this is worth to be read by some kuku people who will happen to come by this notebook or what. And it will be forever in my memory, no matter what future I hold. And my reflection is none other than about my '3rd mum' also known as Jonathan's mum.

She passed away on the 26 August 2009 at about 10 plus at night. I would say it was quite a shock for me. Although it was kind of expected in a matter of time, but I just didn't expect it to be so soon.

I seriously hope that she left for heaven happily and peacefully. Jonathan, his sister ans=d his dad was around by her side when she left. Although their concentration wasn't on her, but it was already like all the people that she love was all around.

No more pain for her to suffer anymore.

(my note was till here, cos I was really tired)

Her death cause a big heartache to me. Because the fact that things wasn't going too smoothly for me already.. But at the same time, I really see true friends of his. They don't say much, but they were just there, to give him a pat on his shoulders, give him the strength that he needs. He's really lucky to have them. This bunch of friends who always try their best to make it for him. Compare to them, I'm nothing better. All I did was sit down there and be with him. Even asking me to take all days to be AL, I also cant do it, what sort of girlfriend am I.

I just can't be compared to him at all..

I just can't be a very good girlfriend at all..
Maybe just a good friend, I guess..

Just a failure..

STRESSED, SUCKS, ALL FUCKED UP

2009-08-23T22:08:00.000+08:00

Jonathan's mum is feeling very unwell. The cancer cells have once again came back and this time round attacked her brain. Just heard from the doctor that it's confirm that her spine has got it as well.. She is having breathing difficulties, and in pain. The doctor said that she may go anytime..

I'm trying to show my care and concern.

But is it enough?

MENTHOL

2009-08-18T03:42:00.000+08:00

It's has been long,
since I last click on Blogger.com
and click on posting,
sank my heart,
hold my tears,
to write down something that I'm feeling..

I thought all I need was a friend,
or maybe a boyfriend,
maybe a diary
just to rant about life, work and love.
But it doesn't seem so..

But even given this space, I don't feel free to write whatever I want to.
There're still bound to be people who will say out whatever I've posted.
And it makes it seem that, I've no freedom at all..

Maybe I just need MENTHOL.

F&B People Are HEROES!

2009-05-01T07:33:00.003+08:00

Don't you think that people working in the F&B lines are heroes?

I'm myself working in an F&B line. Though I deal more on the beverages part. I'm not trying to say I'm a heroine myself, but I'm trying to understand people who are willing to contribute themselves to this line for years and years.

F&B people work almost 365 days. Even though we are eligible for Annual Leave (AL) for 10-14/15 days, but we mostly try to contribute more time on job then at home (except our off days). But on public holidays (PH). When all the OL and OM goes on to enjoy these days, F&B people still goes on to serve on these days, AND they are not getting additional off-in-lieu (OIL) for that. BUT these OL and OM are getting their PH leaves on top of going on enjoying the PH itself.

SEE THE DIFFERENCES?!

But F&B people, we don't complain. Because we feel that it's worth it seeing all you smiling on your enjoyable PH when we're serving you. But on some failure of giving you for what you want as 'best service', complain letters are being 'shoot- up' all the way to our superior, that's when our arse is on fire. Though we may feel very unhappy about the complaints, we still take it positively, for the fact that we still have to serve other customers on the day.

Some of you may think, "then don't work in F&B line, if you've so much to say".

But the thing is, if we, F&B people don't choose to work this line, are you gonna take over? Or would you prefer that there isn't any F&B outlet in Singapore at all? I'm sure there has to be, since Singaporean are number 1 in eating and drinking (as a form of enjoyment).

So, what have you gonna say?

UPDATES!!

Been half a year since I join my current company, everything is great. There may be ups and downs, but I'm learning to take it positively.

Boyfriend is going to serve the country soon soon, VERY VERY SOON! =(
And for those you who have been reading my FB, just to assure you that I'm back with boyfriend, and we are learning and trying to build- up what we've failed. We'll be the best couple. And I finally realise how much I love him!

To round off, I'm trying my best to be what I feel is right. Give me some time, I'll change to be a happier & more positive person.

LIKE S O FINALLY

2009-03-27T08:34:00.002+08:00

I was back three hours ago. I thought I should just flip through blogs that I have long let them go rusty.

I'm at home, my own home now. Trying to figure out what to do? So I thought I better blog. The blog that I use to complain that I've fucking no time to entertain but actually I spend all my hours on Facebook and on stuffs after stuffs.

I'm so upset but yet glad.

I'm trying to be stronger.

I'll overcome everything that's happening.

I'll be a better person.

I'll work out all solutions to the problems of you & me.

I'm working very hard now.

Appreciate me please..

我只想告诉你，我喜欢你！

TWENTY

2009-02-26T07:20:00.002+08:00

I had fun this birthday. And I really thank all these people who only know me for 4 months to give me such a great birthday. Like what alot of you who had tag on my facebook, it'll be an unforgettable birthday celebration for me.

This year, I had fun on my
birthday
When there were water parade, cake
bash and drunken me
End of the teen, I'm joinning
adulthood
Never will I stop to learn what's
life, what's right and what's wrong
Thanks to all who had wish me and had
been with me on the 22nd
You guys really make me a happier
person!

Let's update..

2009-02-03T04:31:00.003+08:00

Before any nagging, chanting, ranting, loso-ing starts, allow me to wish everyone of you who still continue to come to this humble, non exciting, non existence blog:

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!
HUAT AR!!
ALL THE GOODS COME TO YOU THIS OX YEAR!
HAPPY NIU YEAR!
MOO~

Seem so long long time that I haven't blog. Yes, new skin for a new year! Chinese new year lah..

I stop at my 3 years relationship with my boyfriend. Oh well, we didn't get to celebrate it, cos we both gotta work. But we manage to grab a good meal before going to work. Carl's Junior! Freaking full, I tell you.

Life have been good. Working and working.. It really a big independent step. Stop taking money from mummy. Hopefully this move of mine will allow a few little stress to be off her. Maybe is not easy for here now. Cos most of the time I won't be home as well. Work isn't easy, make it worst especially the line i chose.

Make a visit to maternal granny tomb a day before Chinese New Year Eve. Guess she's great. Brought boyfriend along too. The first time boyfriend and granny are meeting each other. I told boyfriend, granny is one of the people I love alot. And I shared with him about her past as well.. I hope he understands the stand granny is in my heart.

Chinese New Year is great! Gambling all the way. I lost, that's what that I need not say, I guess. It was really tiring for this CNY. Because I was schedule to work on day 1. Imagine how tiring it is.

Just celebrated Mum's birthday along with my cousin birthday (since they fall on the same day) last Thursday. Had steamboat, ice-cream cake. Wanted to have yu sheng as well, but everyone was too full. Mum did enjoy her day I guess, since I surprise her with the presents of Ah Yi, Jamie and QiQi. LOL..

Anyway, I did something really stupid. But I hope is the right move. I'm sorry to disappoint so many of you.

Boyfriend is going for his NS checkup very soon.
And I'm getting very worried and sad.

Till next entry,
With Love,
jingjing =]

Freaking 3 Years!

2009-01-21T14:38:00.002+08:00

Wooooo~~

How many of you know that I'm with Jonathan for 3 years? Are you happy for me?

But I guess another major major problem that will be coming to us is his national services which is coming very very soon to us..

Peanut is wining badly..

I miss you, Bob!

long overdued photos & post

2009-01-06T12:32:00.006+08:00

I'm stuck with bak cham. (eye needles in English, direct translation) Don't ask me what's that, cos I don't even know. I just know that is growing under my upper eyelid and it hurts when I blink. Screw shit!

Not much photo, just to show you my Christmas presents. Very little, but it was very touching..

Oh well.. this is of cos myself with my left puffy eye which is irritating me to the maximum! Haven't seen me in straight hair for quite long right? Notice my necklace. It's Christmas present from my boyfriend!

I know the picture is fucking small for you to see the necklace. So I specially went to Taka Jewellery to crab the picture with the pendent in it. 7 Wonders is the one. So in love with it. Some more still got diamond!

This set is given to me by my sister and brother- in- law. I only requested for a water bottle this year, but they still give me extra for present. And know what? The 3 other things excluding the Adidas bottle is already S$96.00. How expensive huh? And they bought a tee from num for my boyfriend.

And we brought for them the CK in2 u. Both the male and female version. Woot~ Tidbits for my colleagues. Spa treatment for one of my good friend at work, my i/c s got chocolate and sweets from me. And my boyfriend's i/c got biscult from him.

Can you see that we're cutting cost?
LOL..

But I like them, because they appreciate even when you don't buy expensive things for them.. =]

looking back, ....

2009-01-06T04:40:00.005+08:00

New skin for a new year!

Are some of you still guessing about my job, since there're some pictures in FB? Guess all you want. I'm not gonna said till everything is settled.

I've read Vennesa's blog. And I realize I haven't been spending much time with my friend and family last year. I'm very sorry if I haven't spend my time with you guys. But the good news is, I'm graduating this year, so I should have more time even after my boyfriend goes into army.

Looking back in the year 2008;

January was filled with anticipation of Jay Chou's concert,
sadness of the closure of TCC- PZ
happiness of my anniversary with my boyfriend.

Feburary was filled with noisiness of Chinese New Year,
growing up of myself on my birthday,
and the first time my boyfriend joins me with my family dinner!

March was all about schools and competition.

April was all about work and play!

May was when I cried so hard knowing I was getting transferred to TCC- STC,
and I went aboard for the first time without my family members around.

June was the month that I was very very happy when my boyfriend pass his TP;
and of cos him, himself growing up on his birthday!

July was my movie month. I watch 5 movies that month.

August was when I was busy preparing for the new menu launch from TCC.

September was when I starting to be super busy help my sister with her wedding!

October was when I see my sister be the beautiful bride;
and when I join the new big family of ***********.

November, I started to learn from my new jobs.

December was the busy busy month for my current job;
and when I started to go clubbing more;
of cos not to forget my JB trip with my new colleagues.

How was your year 2008?
And how will you fill this sentence?

"Looking back, ... .... ....."

Tagg me!

2 years of waiting

2008-12-24T03:08:00.013+08:00

I've been with my boyfriend so 3 years. And for the past 2 years, he had been wanting to bring me to this place but everytime without fail, it's a fly kite so sure.

But then, this 2008. We had an early Christmas dinner there, FINALLY!!

GIRAFFE. HERE I COME!!

To both of our surprise, they weren't heavily over- priced but at affordable prices.. How great would that be.. LOVES!

While waiting for the food, we decided to take some pictures first. LOL.. But still have to inform you, I'm back with straight hair. How easy to manage.. But as you can see, the sky is getting dark.. Romantic candle-light dinner is about to start..

Fruit Punch, with Apple Juice right at the back.
First up. We got some refreshment before heading for some cocktails..

Mushroom Soup

Super creamy, with tons of mushroom.. Each spoon you scoop, I believe there's an equal amount of soup and mushroom.

Giraffe Salad

It comes with Soft- shell Crab. The sauce has mild wasabi taste. Very special taste. Worth the try for Thai food lovers. Oh yea, you can see our candle- light. =]=]

Al Funghi Pasta

HEARTS to this. Very creamy, mushroom is not overcook. This is the best Al Funghi that me and boyfriend had ever eaten..

Well- doned Steak. (Once i check the name, I'll change it)

The sauce is very nice. Because boyfriend ordered a well done steak so i find it abit too hard for biting. But later on I tried cutting them to thinner pieces and they taste great with the sauce.

You can see that the colour of the steak is really beautiful.. Hahaha.. Saliva is coming out, right?

Sex On The Beach

With my very unglam Fruit Punch at the back.. LOL.. Anyway, I'm kind of surprise that Sex On The Beach is serve this way. But theirs is not as sweet as the one serve in shots. Vodka and Pineapple taste is very strong..

Snowball

That's what my boyfriend is holding. Is kind of nice, I would say. Very sweet and refreshing..

The waitress was very kind to take pictures for us. Stupid boyfriend, forget to take away the TOTO tickets he never tio yesterday. Keep complaining to me. Somemore can roll and hold until so wu seh..

And that ends my early Christmas Dinner at Giraffe. Is a nice place that I would love to visit again..

Ho! Ho! Ho! A year has passed so fast huh? It's Christmas already.. Soon it's gonna be 2009. Do you still remember what fateful events took place this year.. Hurry blog it down before you forget all about it.

HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS AND ENJOY 2009.

Merry Christmas,
& Happy New Year!

The earliest bird, catches the worm

2008-12-10T05:42:00.003+08:00

Damn.. Look at the time! I'm up so early.

Can't blame me, I'm down with a bad bad flu. With fever go up and down like stock that your parents are playing in the stock market. Running nose, like when you're bathing, you on and off the tap. Sore throat and bad bad cough. Feeling so bad..

It's has been so long ever since I got myself into another bad flu. But I still gotta go work later. WTF.. Tiring.. We'll see how..

My workplace is still a secret till further notice.. LOL

Sensitivity

2008-12-04T06:58:00.002+08:00

(Image: BIG thanks to YAHOO.SG)

Seriously, I miss Ven Crapb very much. The days we teared together. We laughed so hard till we get tummy ache. The days when I waited at her void deck to walk to school together. The days when neo- prints were liked a yearly event on the 26 Sep. Days when we eat the same food in school during recess and lunch break. And of cos, when she introduced me to button mushroom when she came to my house to cook spag.

This is not a sudden thought. Is really I've her in my mind all day long. How's she doing now? Is she getting better? Blah blah..

Was working. And a few of the customer just reminded me of her. Got one, today. She ordered a F L. After that drink, she cried so bitterly. She doesn't look like Ven at all. But her actions seem so similar. Just at that point of time, I really wanted to calm her down, give her tons of ice-water, love her, blah blah..

Anyway, I'm so sorry girl, I haven't been keeping contact with you. But rest assured, I'll meet you during my holidays, very very soon.

-----------------------------------------

Official Notice: I've left TCC. Not gonna publish anymore ads for them, not that I don't want. Since I've left, I can't get first hand news anymore.

I know some of you may want to know where the hell am I working now.

Shhhhhh..

It's a secret! No one will know unless I choose to let you know.

Alright, I've updated. Be happy about it! =]

I'm super lazy to blog

2008-11-19T00:58:00.000+08:00

No Life..

Attention

2008-11-04T06:32:00.004+08:00

Halloween Night.

I've started another job. Part time too, but they are paying so much better. Can't spell much, cause I'm not suppose to spill any words about this job. Anyway, I'm loving it. Of cos, I'm with my honey into this AGAIN!

I haven't quit TCC. But because of the second job, I had a No Call No Show record for once. I know they're kinna pissed. Cause I haven't een performing much. I guess I have lost interest about bring a part of TCC already. Everything haven't been going the right way eversince PZ is down and everyone left. I really just want to resign and go. I just feel kind of I don't care anymore for this company. Is not paying me good money, I never understand why don't they see my passion of being a barista. There are always people stepping out to stop me. FUCK YOU!

Been very very broke. So, I can't meet up friends whom I've long wanted to meet. I could only stay with honey, since he knows the best way to cut me from spending. I'm very sticky to him now, so don't separate us.

I'm having very lousy mood this few weeks. I'm having troubles about one of my family members. I'm getting really tired about whatever that has and is happening. Please... Give me a BREAK!
FUCK OFF MY LIFE, IT WILL DO YOU AND I GOOD.
IF ONLY I COULD SCREAMMMMM!

Seriously, I believe that everyone who had their life path cross over mine for once. Those who were my friends once, my enemies once. Our life has continue from wherever it has stop without you or me. I've never believe the sentence "once a friend, always a friend" I've my lessons before. You may had it or not. Think that you understand me? Think twice. My life continue with or without you. I won't stop just because of you. Care or don't care, I don't care too. Think about this, breaking one and another promises, what good does it do to you and me?
I've been very helpless nowadays. Where are you? I've understand, my misery goes on with or without your comfort. I'll have to grow up, with or without your support. I can't always go on the flow with you, because I have my thinking too. Friend or not, think properly.

Anyway, I've just realize that I've missed out one guy birthday. I'm really sorry..
By the way,
Happy "20th" Birthday, Bob!
Hugs..

I should be sleeping now

2008-10-24T02:24:00.003+08:00

Looking at the time (2.24am), I should be sleeping already. But still decided to blog, just in case the cobweb are getting really hard to remove. I've realize that my tag board is very clean from tags. I guess I must have chase all the readers away by not blogging. Hahaha..

Anyway, here comes the long entry.

Let's go back to two weeks ago, Friday, 10 October 2008. My sister's wedding. I'm considering to upload the pictures or not, due to the major weight gain of myself. I don't find the pictures nice at all. All fats are revealing themselves, pissed me off a lot.
True enough, I didn't get my night of sleep, was busy preparing the special special card for my sister. And, of course, the sabotage ingredients. The most disgusting drink that I've ever prepared. Ingredients included: watercress leaves, fresh onions, fresh leeks, fresh garlic, expired beer, salt and soy sauce. That was appetizer for the brothers of course. Main dishes includes, pancakes with puzzles inside. Song singing to my sister with a little treasure hunt. Eating bananas and grapes from different parts of the body, disgusting places like armpits and ass are included. Desert includes a signing of a 10 commandments as a husband.
Skip the Chinese customary, is nothing much, just tea ceremony sessions.
I was the emcee for the night. Was so nervous, because I was alone. But basically I just anyhow through, till my job is done.
I would say wedding day, there'll be a lot of cock- up. When you are planning for your wedding, Try not to make one person hold too many roles. Especially when coming to the bride's and groom's Personal Assistance. And always have one person to be the event coordinator so that not a lot of people will be trying to be kaypo to step in and help last minute. Also, try not to bring pets along even if the place where you hold your wedding allows pets. If you really want to, make sure to have somebody who is free from any roles to help you take care. Always make sure your reception are trust-worthy people, and people who are more caution.
But anyway, wedding is fun and tiring for the couple as well as their sisters and brothers. But somehow, I enjoy the next 2 days of after wedding with the couples, my boyfriend and my godsister. Lovely! We spend the night, and the next at a hotel. It was fun. 5 person sitting down playing cards and drinkning.

School started. Shit ass time- table came. My name is still not in the class list, and is pissing me off. Projects are here, and yes I'm suppose to be researching now. I kinna of think that my mind- set did change a little. I feel that starting this semester, I'm quite sensetive to alarm/ time. Sometimes before my alarm rings, I'm awake. Sometimes, my alarm ring a little, I wake up. Worst still, even when my mum step into the room at about 5 plus, I'll just wake up. Werid. I use to be such heavy sleeper, I never know this little noise can wake me up.

My health is not good at this time of the year. I've got some hard stool. Which makes my ass goes bleeding after shitting. I need fibres. But too much make me diahorrea. Which hurts the hell out of my ass. Fuck it!

At last, I've perm my hair. Not revealing any pictures yet, becourse of the fats, YES!

I'm really sorry

2008-10-20T23:56:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry for the lag of blogging. I'm in zero mood for blogging. I'll just let this blogsite catch some webs and dusts first.

But surely, a long post will come out pretty soon. =]

周杰伦- 说好的幸福呢

2008-10-17T01:54:00.008+08:00

周杰伦- 说好的幸福呢

你的回话凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
离开时的不快乐你用卡片手写著

有些爱只给到这真的痛了

怎么了你累了说好的
幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱谈了梦远了
开心以不开心一一细数著
你再不拾
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了累干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转著
要怎么停呢

怎么了你累了说好的
幸福呢我懂了不说了爱谈了
梦远了我都还记得

你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了累干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转著
要怎么停呢

a girl worst nightmare!!

2008-10-16T00:15:00.002+08:00

NIGHTMARE!!

I've put on freaking lots of weight without my own knowledge. And I'm fucking sick in the ass.

PAIN...

blogskin change

2008-10-08T03:54:00.002+08:00

Everybody, the big day that I'm awaiting is just 2 days later. Super excited!!

By the way, no more songs for all of you, cos the html gave me some problems. I'll update very very soon!!

Love, hugs and kisses!!!

Capricorn

2008-09-28T05:30:00.006+08:00

Jay Chou will be releasing a new album, named "Capricorn" on the 9th October. The pre- ordering has already started on the 24th this month. But I'm so damn poor. Anyone want to sponsor me?
I think that this (above) may be the CD cover. Come- on, somebody buy for me. I'm so drooling about it now. Even no matter how tired I may be, but my heart is always drooling for it. Every year, I'll be sure to pre-order. But this year, I don't know if I still can order. Hai..

Anyway, afterward will be the final F1 competition. The LAST day! Calling all car/ non- car fans, just go there and enjoy the atmosphere. I tell you, no matter how much you hate racing, just by hearing the sound, the heart may melt..

Even though I was only able to watch the practice match, but I was always soften, inside, out!!!

Fergie- Finally

2008-09-24T03:16:00.001+08:00

Finally by Fergie

Ever since I was a baby girl I had a dream

Cinderella theme

Crazy as it seems

Always knew that deep inside that there would come that day

But I would have to way

Make so many mistakes

I couldn't comprehend as I watched it unfold

This classic story told I left it in the cold

Walking through unopen doors that led me back to you

Each one unlocking more of the truth

I finally stopped tripping on my youth

I finally got lost inside of you

I finally know I needed to grow

And finally my mate has met my soul

Finally

Now my destiny can begin

Though we will have our differences

Something strange and new is happening

Finally

Now my life doesn't seem so bad

It's the best that I've ever had

Give my love to him finally

MMMMMMMM

I remember the beginning you already knew I acted like a fool

Just trying to be cool

Fronting like it didn't matter

I just ran away

Put on another face

Was lost in my own space

Found what it's like to hurt selfishly

I was scared to give up me

Afraid to just believe

I was in a jealous, insecure, pathetic place

Stumbled through the mess that I have made

I Finally got out of my own way

I Finally started living for today

I finally know I needed to grow

And finally my mate has met my soul

Finally

Now my destiny can begin

Though we will have our differences

Something strange and new is happening

Finally

Now my life doesn't seem so bad

It's the best that I've ever had

Give my love to him finally

Busy wedding

2008-09-24T02:27:00.004+08:00

Seriously, wedding is not an easy thing. There're so much task to complete just before the actual day of wedding. Even though I'm not the one getting married but I still feel busy.

I've been staying overnights out of home. Helping out with my sister with her wedding. We've just finish giving out the hand- made invitation cards. (Oh yes, we spend countless nights doing it. Yawn~ Everytime, upon mentioning.) Her gowns are selected already. Little little customary things, still left out bits of it.

Wedding photos. The one which really tired me out. Even though we just went 2 locations for this. But I seriously think the picture will turn out nice. And seriously, I never know that I'll get so touch easily. When I was choosing her gowns with her, everything just went as per normal. But just the day of her wedding shots. When I saw her putting on make- up, gown and finally the tou sha ( the white transparent thing that covers the head), I almost teared. I mean, I seriously never expected my sister to get married so soon. 2 weeks more! And I've never really love to share her when I was young. And now I'm about to give her to another person. (But on the happier note, I'm gaining another brother)

I'm like thinking, will I tear hard on the day of her wedding.

I'm seriously saying, having a boyfriend is really very very different from having a sister. So, a boyfriend will never replaced a sister.

Alot of people will think, married only, why cry?

Married means, a new family being set up. You'll have to scarified more time to spend with your own family member, e.g your hasband or your children. And especially if you're daughter marrying off, you'll have to communicate more with your husband's family members.

Okay lah. A few more years, it may be my turn. Till then, we shall see how.

Oh ya! If you're not an idiot, you would have see that I've change my skin again. Smiling and awaiting to the big occasion. That's the reason I change my skin.

Till my next post, enjoy the song "Jenny" by Click5 everytime when you click @ www.jing-a-lism.blogspot.com

[And yes, I miss Jenny Marlina. She still own me a box of strawberry oreo!!!]

Ahhh

2008-09-14T06:30:00.002+08:00

I've not much time to update this few weeks. Maybe a short post, once in a while. After finishing the grand grand thing, I'll update, maybe with tons of picture (if I've the patients).

Just chill out with some ex- colleagues. And heard a lot of ridiculous stuff about my ex- boss. Freak man!!

Darling Maria, I'm so glad you're leaving. =]

Holidays has arrived

2008-09-11T01:23:00.002+08:00

I don't have to potang already. I don't have to trouble people for waking me up already. Is holiday now. I can sleep whatever time I want and wake up at whichever hours that I preferred.

ELDDS paper is over. And I've got good news! I don't have to stay for 6 months to complete my ITE education now. I'm transferring over to Hidayat's class for next semester onwards. So, I'm able to finish everything on time. I'm so glad, and super glad that my friends are happy for me too.
Quoted from Suniyah's blog, "ah! before i forget.jing² called me just before my ppdds paper, saying she would be going to be transferred to 2a instead of 2c next semester. so majoring in piping. n she'll get to graduate with the rest of us.YEAAAHHHHHHHH! so sad u know always c her cry whenever get bad news from teachers/section head. she was so down n out cz she was supposed to stay back for an extra sem. 6 mths is long okay... but hoping for the best for her. gonna miss her when we all go for attachment later. haiz. so this is sth for u darling jing²."
It has been long since I ever has a friend who really care about my well being. She cheers for me when I've this good news, and cheer me up when teachers always give me bad news. I've already thank Mdm Supiah for allowing me to take her paper. =]

Anyway, I went to watch Babylon AD already with boyfriend. Apparently, the show had something got to do with Christianity. It's quite a great show. Just a brief, do you guys know that Mother Mary gave birth to Jesus without having sex? She was a virgin when she gave birth to Jesus. Know this! Then go watch the show. And.. Please give 100% attention to the show, especially if you're not a Christian. Cos my boyfriend came out of the cinema, saying that the show was too fast and he has problem understanding it.

I went swimming in the morning, and I'm going later. It feels damn cool because there were not much people there, and I usually swim around in the medium pool. I'm gonna be so busy next few weeks running errands and planning for my sister's wedding. And then, I'm gonna blog a super long entry on her wedding day for you guys to feel the love.

Good night all!

"so this is sth for u darling jing²":

I've already update the drink name!

2008-09-08T03:19:00.002+08:00

You can see from the title, so, go check it out! Examination in 10 hours time. I'm planning to revise it again, like now? LOL. But I still chose to blog first.

I'm like thinking, if you really are a hypocrite, it'll show in a matter of time. Like, I use to have this 'boss' who was really nice, help me to get transferred under her to work. Because my boyfriend was in her place. Then later-wards, a new place open then she transferred me there saying because her 'boss' wants it.
After leaving her place, I saw this really huge change in her. And seeing how hypocrite she is. (Yes, I have a lot of spy in there. My boyfriend is one of them, LOL) It's ridiculous that she has to throw me out of her place. And now, I'm seeing people walking off her. More and more people are leaving the company, should I?

Anyway, out of boliao-ness, I'm writing 10 things that I had never thought I would have done/achieved, yet I had done/achieved it and 10 things I really want to do/achieve.

10 things that I had never thought I would have done/achieved, yet I had done/achieved it:

1) Have a relationship for so long, like coming to 3 years already.
2) Studying in ITE
3) Went on TV
4) Went aboard without any kin
5) Work PT, study FT
6) Sleep alone, in a room
7) Have a 10years friendship with See Toh
8) Celebrated my 19th birthday together with my families and boyfriends
9) Have my boyfriend to meet my family
10) And, me to meet his

10 things I really want to do/achieve:

1) A tattoo
2) Become slimmer
3) Finish my ITE, Diploma SOON
4) Bring my mum on tour
5) Meet up all my friends SOON
6) Do a great 21st Birthday Party for boyfriend
7) Finish my ITE properly, at least can go Poly
8) Wedding with current boyfriend???
9) Meet Jay Chou in person
10) Buy I- phone

As you can see, I'm quite brain-dead, so, I'm typing rubbish.

Good Morning Again!

2008-09-06T05:59:00.004+08:00

Hurray! I've won a pair of tickets for the Babylon AD. All thanks to NuffNang! Anyway, since is a show that boyfriend has been looking forward to, I shall fulfilled his looking forward and win that pair of tickets for him. Hehe..

Wondering why am I awake so early in the morning? I've not even lie on the bed to dose off yet! I'm sooooooo addicted to Facebook that I've to play the games before I sleep everyday now. Crazy! But I stay up through the night yesterday, just to wake my mum up at 5am. And I only slept at 9am. Went to work, blah blah blah.. Surprising, my body is still so on for this staying up. Or maybe is just my body getting use to sleeping in the morning already.

My duper close peep is getting marry. And her ROM will be in October. I'm thinking of what to wear, and am thinking of getting some clothes from the internet. What do you guys think? Especially to those who really knows my body damn well. What do you think?

Holidays are around the corner, I'm so so so delighted! Hopefully, I'll fulfilled more things this coming holidays. Especially the one on weight loss, and of course to meet up my busy busy friends. So beware peeps!

Oh ya, please drop by at my multiply site @ http://jingsq89.multiply.com
YES, it's finally back. I deleted it because of my harshness to delete my old entries of this blog. So, I set it up once again. Peeps with multiply, please add! Thanks.

P/S: I realize that my blogskins doesn't have the blog archives. If you want it on my blog, please teach me how to put into the HTML or you can also access to my multiply site to see my previous posts too, it's all linked up.

I'm off to zzz zzzz

OK, Good News

2008-09-05T05:08:00.002+08:00

OK, everyone. Yes, I'm debarred! Aiya, f*ck debar lah. I seriously can't feel any sadness anymore. Well.. I've to admit that from the beginning I'm in fault for not attending school regularly, so what else can I do if I get debar. I truly understand that every teacher who had taught this semester is trying very hard to help me, even though I wasn't regular for their lessons. Is already very nice, nothing more of I could ask for.

Anyway, the good news is, I can take my ESDDS exams. Which means that, I won't be getting a zero for my GPA this semester. Cool? Kudos to the module teacher who had help me fight for this! LOVESSS.

Anyway, boyfriend has quitted his job. So, apparently, and HOPEFULLY, he will have more time for me. So, meaning, more pictures will be up. And normal dating will be back.

Stay tune!

I Think It's for Sure

2008-09-04T02:30:00.002+08:00

I seriously think I'm getting my debarment for sure. So, that means I got to have a fifth semester for my ITE education. And I'll not be able to get the COM. Hai.. I can only say, what comes round goes around.

Anyway, sorry for not updating anything. Because, I've been super tired. And of course, there's another thing now that's hooking me up. Facebook!! It's quite interesting I would say, at least better than Friendster, maybe? Maybe not?

OK. Anyway, I've just caught Wall E. It's a stup!d, but cute show that's trying to say about the Earth. And I guess the moral of the story is, "Save the Earth"

By the way, boyfriend is hook to the short preview of this show:

But since he likes it, I'll want to accompany him to watch it too. Love, that's what I called. To know more about the details of this show, check out Twentieth Century Fox: Babylon A.D. website: www.babylonadmovie.com.

I'm thinking very hard of giving my boyfriend a surprise for this coming monthly-versary, since we haven't been celebrating it for soooo long. It's either both of us got to work and we'll miss the date, or one of us always has last minute urgent stuff. Hopefully, this September, I'll be able to give him a complete surprise. Since, I haven't surprise him for so long already, and he has been working very hard for his project now.

OK, I Shall Blog Now.

2008-09-01T03:30:00.003+08:00

I'm actually falling asleep. But, since I've already promise to blog on my previous entry, I shall do that.

I've just finish work. After a three days straight super duper crowd, my boutique finally broke the records of 600K for this month. First time ever, I've seen boutique hitting the monthly target. Wee~wee. Damn happy for my Stall Manager, at least her hard work didn't went down the drain. Oh ya. This few days was the IT fair at SUNTEC, I'm sorry for not writing in earlier for all those who've missed it. Anyway, F1 is coming to town. And TCC has introduce a drink of the month to go specially with the F1 as well. It's: SPREACH RACE (I forgot the name, Ooops. Will check it out for all of you.) If you can't wait, the drink of the month will be launch today, go try it.
It's a blend of peach. Very attractive, especially for peach lovers. (`v)

Alot of things has been happening. And I kind of can't write it here. Because I don't know who will be reading plus, some are confidental family problems.

To sum up everything, I jujst feel like an adult now. Because I don't only comfort people younger than me, but older, older and much much older. It's difficult to put in the words to tell them, and further more, I feel that I'm just running out of words. Tiring.

Mum's right. I may be the youngest, but I'm like the oldest.

Well.. I know it's a disappointing post. But at least I type in the motion of a half- opened eyes. Goodnight!

Tons to Say

2008-08-31T06:10:00.003+08:00

I've lots of things to BLOG about. But I've got freaking no time. To cut things short for now (because I'm dying to go to sleep), I'll blog tonight, or tomorrow.

SEE YA!

Bad News!!

2008-08-28T00:58:00.004+08:00

After a long long long long disappearance from school, I finally received my big big big consequence now. And it sucks! Something which I thought I have already escape from. Freak!

Anyway, I've been debarred from the examinations this semester. And I have to retake this sem module again next next sem, which by right I am suppose to graduate already. And worst of all, I'm taken out of MOS (Marine Offshore) class. And will be transferred to M&E (Mechanical & Electrical) from next semester onwards.

IT SUCKS BIG TIME!

But, I still have a module teacher helping me to fight for her module. She wants me to take the exams this semester so that my 3.1 sem will be good life for me.

OK. Back to advise.

THINK BEFORE YOU ACT, OR YOU'LL HAVE TO BEAR ALL CONSEQUENCES!

FREAK!

周杰伦 Jay

2008-08-25T17:37:00.004+08:00

I'm always wondering why am I addicted to this person for so many years. Is it because of his talent? His vocal? His songs? His looks? His fortune?

LOL.. Fortune won't be the reason, even if I really got the chance to know him or even blah blah. The fact that I understand 天地下没有不劳而获的事. (I don't even know if i get the character right) Well, anyway it means, there's nothing you can get for free without working hard for it. And his fortune is what I envy and not greed on. =]

And to the extend that I can influence my mother to like him as well, I did he really is too talented. His songs always managed to catch my heart. Is just like when he release a new album, there'll be 10 songs in it, and there'll always be 5/10 songs that capture me, whether it's a fast or slow song, a love song or whatever. Imagine someone who can really discribe for you how you feel when you were down, you want to explain it, but you don't know how to, but then this fellow wrote songs that describe it so clearly. But yet this fellow doesn't know me, don't even know I'll buy the album, not say listen to the song. But the songs he writes just capture you LIKE THAT! It doesn't have to be of what he has been through. And I seriously think he is someone who speak of his mind. Cool!

Personally, I don't him handsome. But I still think he is good looking. Because he is those kind of guy whose look won't make you sick of it after sometime when you keep looking at him. He can be always look at, but not those kind that will make you dream of your prince-charming. But still certain angle of him in photograph still makes me drool. (And I guess that's why, since young, he's my standard for my boyfriend. Except for my current boyfriend. LOL) It's just too difficult to find a guy as talented as him, to accept me, someone plain. Oh well.. My boyfriend is talented in his way, I guess.

However, I find him having similar background with me. And that is we are both with our mum. Even though both parents are still around. So when I listen to the first song about obeying you mother, in Chinese is 听妈妈的话. I was quite surprise that this could be a song, but at the same time this song pull me and my mum relationship closer.

So, let's enjoy:

Happy Birthday to Mr, Hidayat

2008-08-24T05:02:00.003+08:00

Well, you can read from the title. It's my ITE bud, Hidayat's birthday. Let me wish him first before I continue blogging. =] Happy birthday Yat!

OK. Back to blogging!

Work's fine today. Everything is going well smoothly except that there's a lot of internal problems now. I'm freaking pissed by it, and my final verdict is that I'm so going to leave this company. As in, since go any boutique is also the same, must as well leave the whole place. I know I'll let some people down. But I really cannot take it already.

Plus, I've talk to mum about my decision already. I think I may just continue to study polytechnic. And to force myself to study finish studying poly, I may just sign on with the army. Still in consideration. I'll see how. Comments and suggestions is allow. Thank you.

Anyway, I have something to complain about.
I went to the Cineleisure Xin Wang Cafe just then. Damn angry! I ordered my food at about 2am, and the bill came 5mins later when my food have not arrive yet. I find it very stup!d. Don't they find it rude when you bill the customer when the things they order haven arrive yet? Then they tell me that I can order other things that I want again. So, this means that it will come in a separate bill since I've already paid for the first one. BUT! The thing is, if some people don't realise. If you order in another bill, this means that you've to pay for another service charge and GST right? I told my boyfriend about this, and he so totally agree. So we just left after we finish what we've order. Actually, I wanted to order dessert one, but too bad. It really pissed me off damn badly. Cos, I previously have problem with the boutique already. That time is they key the wrong thing on my bill, I told them nicely to change the thing before I pay for it. Then they keep insisting that I just pay for it, since the food is of the same price. Stup!d. But the thing is, my boyfriend like the food there. (But then, he just complain to me saying that not only the service have gone bad, the food also don't taste as nice as then) I ordered this diced- meat noodle soup or something. And you know what is it? It's actually maggie mee with ba- ting (can diced meat) and egg. I'm so disappointed with everything that I've encounter with them.

Anyway, I got something to share. My 'friend' send me this:
When a Girl is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a Girl is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.
When a Girl looks at u with eyes full of questions .. she is wondering
how
long you will be around.
When a Girl answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at
all fine.
When a Girl stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying.
When a Girl lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a Girl wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.
When a Girl says ' I love you ' ... she means it.
When a Girl says ' I miss you ' ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.
Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....
Find a Guy . who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls you back
when you hang up on him.
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ...
kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who
holds your hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you
of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!! '

Boyfriend bought me this 2 teddy today. Love him so much!

blogs

2008-08-23T02:46:00.003+08:00

Beware, long entry!

I may or may not blog a long entry. Am thinking hard what to blog. Somehow, lost some creativity in this, and I don't want my reader to just stare into my blog seeing me reciting on what I'm doing everyday.

But still going to blog on certain things that just happen a few hours ago, eg, my work, date, blah blah.. But just to nag: The army have not reply my email. Damn long. I send it like, two days ago? And yet, I have not received a reply till now. BAAA!

Alright, just 9 hours ago, it was my first time to hands on the new menu. No kudos!! The customers are boring people, they keep ordering old menu drinks. I'm so bored by them. And guess what? (I seriously think only Bob will get this part) There are these two customer who came in and ask for Mon Cherie. (Bob, remember this drink that I used to love so much? LOL)

Shall not bored the rest of the reader now. I just went to Suki Sushi for supper. And I'm so surprise at the price that they are offering. Boyfriend says it's because they serve in smaller size. But after the meal, we decided that they sell it cheap is because they don't serve fresh food? You can see so many plates of mua ci passing you, and all the fruits that don't look so fresh. And also the plates of sushi looking uneatable. Lucky boyfriend is craving for bento. So we ate their 'bento' set. Cheap, $9.90 only. But it's not as nice the one serve at Sakae. Boyfriend looks so glum after the meal and told me that he only enjoys eating Sakae Sushi. Too bad, Suki Sushi, my boyfriend don't like you. What worst, there's only 2 inattentive staff working around. (Nowadays work part time the money damn easy to earn, but why not TCC?)

Anyway. I got a story to share..
*clap hands*

I have a friend B who has a girlfriend younger than him by 3 years. My friend is 20 years old. And this is not the first my boyfriend tells me that our friend B complains to him about his girlfriend.

Anyway, B and his girlfriend are together for quite long, say, about a year? (If I'm not wrong) The first incident happen when B brought his girlfriend out to our friend birthday gathering. Anyway, we decided to watch this movie. Then, the girlfriend wine out of a sudden saying that she doesn't want to watch the movie that we wanted to watch. And so poor B, got to go watch movie alone with the girlfriend while the rest of us watch another movie. After the movie, we went for supper at someplace that sell prata. And the girlfriend again wine out of a sudden saying that she doesn't want to eat prata. And imagine, it was my friend birthday! And guess what? B cannot take it and just took the girlfriend home. LOL
The second incident happens during Chinese New Year. All of us were happy gambling. And it was only the very very early hours of day 2, about 2am. Then B was happily gambling with us too. And then the girlfriend just sat down at my friend sofa (we were at a friend house) and starting to grumble. Keep saying that she is very tired and stuff like that. We told her to rest at the sofa first and will wake he after the game is finish. She did not. Continue wining. Freak! Till about 7am, all cannot take it then wanna go eat breakfast, but the girlfriend face damn black, so B had to send her home then meet us back at the friend house to go breakfast together.
The third incident happens months ago, B met her up to break things clear with her. Unfortunately, B asthma attacks. And all she did was cry. And when her home was just nearby (Nearby as in take the lift/ stairs, you can reach) And she choose to call my another friend for help. Stup!d.
4th incident. Weeks ago. She met up with some other guys. So suay, her mother called B to ask if she is with him. Of course she wasn't, and B told her mum that. So B went down to wait for her under her block and coincidentally saw the mother also waiting there. When the girlfriend came home, the mother scolded her and B. Guess what? The girlfriend didn't apolognise to B but scolded him for not helping her to cover her lies in front of her home. And now she can't go out to anywhere other than school.
5th incident, days ago. B was having exams together with my boyfriend. And the girlfriend called B and scolded him for not informing her that he went to study with my guy. And cried over the phone and nag and blah blah blah..
I'm still expecting more incidents to happen since there'll be still chances that I might get to see her. But stup!d right? My boyfriend damn bad, keep asking B to break off with her.

I don't know. It's up to him. But seriously, I think she needs some serious lecture..
By the way, do you understand my story?

I changed my skin!

2008-08-22T14:41:00.001+08:00

Yeap, I just changed my skin. Hopefully now the fonts are bigger and easier to read. (And hopefully it'll attract more people) LOL. I'm just joking. I'll blog more tonight!

I'm not better

2008-08-21T04:52:00.004+08:00

Certain things can ask for advises. But there'll ultimately be some that no one can help. I met up with this one person yesterday and she kind of help me work out the place that I'm stuck with whatever that in my mind now, and yes, indeed I'm seeing things better than the day before. But when comes to human relationship problems, she told me that I can only build and work on it. Nothing much else.

Seriously, she reminded me something. Certificate is too important in Singapore. Not only that piece of paper, but the qualifications that is stated on it. Sh!t man. I just feel that things are getting way way too complex for myself. Da|\/|n.

Well, freak it. I guess the only way for me now is to go to school later on and have a really nice chat with the teacher. And plus, to wait for the receiver to reply mt email before I can settle anything on my mind.

Can't help it with the stress level. But I do hope I can keep the level there and not over the mark where I cannot even handle myself.

But I seriously need motivation.

Side notes:
Congratulation to TCC on successful launch of the new menu and the reopen of Great World City. =] All the best!

Oh ya! And do not forget about the Golden Hunt. It's now on, all the way to September 14th.

aim-less, point-less, do i have a future?

2008-08-20T02:01:00.002+08:00

I'll be finishing my ITE studies very soon and am contemplating to work first before continuing my diploma studies. Because I've lost interest in studying and find it harder to motivate myself to move on as a student. And with further consideration of my mother, who is very worried about her own career now. I really don't want her to always think about me, my school and my studies.

I blame myself for not doing well in O's. And I really blame myself for giving up so easily on Lasalle. Thinking back, I should have changed the course instead of giving it up totally. If not I'll be holding a diploma certificate in April'09.

I feel that I've no time to think about others except 'what's next up for me' or even 'what'll my future look like'. I'm so at a lost of what to do. Freak!

I don't even know what I want to study next. Sh!t.

Come to think about it, I just feel like I'm wasting time and energy. Looking around, seeing people all graduating with a diploma certificate soon, or going to a university soon, I feel so help-less. I just feel that there's no one I can talk to, for the fact that they are not in my position to feel the emotional stress.

I'm at the wrong for not doing well. I play around with my future. I did nothing good to help my mother. Freak!

Stup!d. Now after finishing my Higher NITEC, where should I go? Polytechic? Or work to earn enough to study pirvate diploma?

Any part-time diploma courses? Where?

DOTS.

On side note: today is the lauch of the TCC menu. Go down and try your luck to se if you can be the lucky winner for a free dine-in.

The TCC Golden Hunt

2008-08-17T04:25:00.003+08:00

Please click onto this link if you're unable to read the contents.
http://www.thecoffeeconnoisseur.com/emailer_tccgoldenhunt/golden-hunt.html
Note: This event only starts on the 20th August! The day the new gallery launch.

TCC new cakes LAUNCH!
Are you a great lover of cheesecakes? We've a wide range of it for you to choose. And also if you're a strawberry lover, you can too head down to any boutiques. None of those 2 lovers just head down and there're 17 different types of cakes for you to choose from.
And you can enjoy a cup of coffee together with it. Unsure of what drinks to go along with the cakes, you can asked any crew member standing there awaiting to serve you.

Unsure of where TCC is?
http://www.thecoffeeconnoisseur.com/moby/cms/boutiques/

Enjoy your weekends!

SOLVED

2008-08-10T15:24:00.002+08:00

Had a great night yesterday with boyfriend. Was talking to him about ours and my problems. We had a great 2 hours talk face to face and everything seem to be better for me already. At least, I do not have to keep everything inside of me, and when I really get trouble, I guess the emo emo thing will just come back anytime, anywhere.

And therefore, I believe that it's better to talk out everything than keeping everything inside of myself. And seriously, my boyfriend is very awesome!

And lalala, I'm so so so happy because I was bless!

But seriously, I'm seeking for You. And just wanting you for one Sabbath.

I seriously miss those days at Your place. Where I get to understand You and learn different things from You. I'm praying that someone will just bring me back just for one Sabbath. But I just don't know who to go to. Tell me who..

Happy Birthday Singapore!

2008-08-09T02:13:00.003+08:00

Happy 43rd Birthday, Singapore! You're so loved by me! Muacks!

I don't feel well at all. I feel very vexed, horrible, terrible, difficult, disgusted, stupid, and blah blah blah. I just don't feel well at all!

I haven't really spend my time at home, and I'm wondering how does Mum feels when she is alone at home. I really feel like taking a break from work especially. Somehow, it just disappoint me to see true faces of people. And especially when I've heard from others that this person is great and blah.. How can people just be so faked in front of you (and is so freaking obvious), don't they feel anything? And why should people take advantage of people? Work life! I've so much to mention yet no words is coming out of me to describe it. It suck, you know?

Boyfriend boyfriend, where are you? I need you so much!

vexed is just adding up

2008-08-07T23:32:00.003+08:00

Have you really regretted on any choice that you made? Or have you regretted on any advise that you didn't take? I had. And I guess I super regretted it by now.

Remember the part on the warning letter? Haven't got it, went to school today. Know what my teacher told me? He said, "What happened to you? Ever since after the holiday, you seem lost. You better start changing NOW!" And he stressed on the last word - NOW. And I'm feeling so fucking terrible. I know I'm not as motivated as I used to be. But somehow, I know a part of me still love the school, the peeps and the freaks. Oh fuck it!

And know what adds up? Is just family problems.

Problems after problems! FUCK!

And please, if you read my blog, there's no need for you to spread what you've read. Thanks.

i'm so vexed

2008-08-07T00:49:00.001+08:00

I'M SO SO SO VEXED!!!

Good Morning

2008-08-02T06:16:00.003+08:00

Well.. Today marks the second day of the hungry ghost festival. I found it quite coincidence that the 1st day actually happens to fall on the 1st of August. Well.. I guess it's the first time I've met the Chinese and English starting the 1st day of the month and ending the last day of the month together.

Anyway, for all of you who have patiently waited..

By the way, TCC will be launching a new series of cakes (all are made by TCC) on the 12 August. Don't miss it. It's worth your try!
New food and beverages, I can only say, it may be shocking to some of you. But I guess, by then you will start to feel a total experiences from TCC already. From the trainings that I've went, the only thing that I see from all this backstage people is that, they are trying their very best to give you the best.
Don't miss it too!

On the personal side updates..
I'm praying very very hard to go to school regularly and no more warning letters to be send. I guess it's really time for me to wake up and stop wasting my mum's time.

Just caught "Money Not Enough 2" at Cine. For all who really feels that it's money that's important than kin, watch it. I guess maybe it will make an impact to your thoughts. Money may be important, but when you don't have money, who will be the last person, standing by your side, hugging you, consoling you?

My throat doesn't seem to be healing, what wrong?

I'm drowsy now, I'm going to sleep.

GOODNIGHT!

i'm back!

2008-07-31T02:18:00.002+08:00

internet was dead on the 17th. waiting for some heroes to save it. and finally uncle james came down today to give it a fix.

thank you very much.

down with freaking cough. am feeling drowsy now.
I WANT TO GO SLEEP NOW!

goodnight!

Bobby Bob Bob make me do this!

2008-07-16T01:39:00.006+08:00

Side note: Bob, you better read and tag me. Since you're the one who wanted me to do it. Roars!

Name 20 people whom you can think of right now. Don’t read the question till you’ve named them. At the end, choose 5 people to do the survey.

1) Jonathan
2) Vennesa
3) Pei Shan
4) Hong Jiayi
5) Sean LYW
6) Jiaxin
7) Mei Xuan
8) Becky
9) Benson TSM
10) Fatin
11) Bob
12) Mia (oh ya, just saw her yesterday)
13) Adham
14) Suria
15) Suniyah
16) Hidayat
17) Qiqi
18) Jiajia
19) Ziting
20) Nigel

1) How did you meet 14?
My ITE classmates from year 1 till now.

2) What would you do if you’ve never met 1?
I would have never understand the meaning of Love..

3) What if 9 and 20 dated?
LOL! I'll be laughing my heads off.

4) Will 16 and 17 date?
They wouldn't.

5) Describe 3.
Someone who knows me inside out since 9 years old.

6) Describe 7.
She once go against me. But ever since we're good friends, I guess, I haven't really mind the past.

7) Do you know any of 12’s family members?
Is boyfriend considered?

8) What would you do if 18 confess that he/she likes you?
For God sake, SHE is my cousin.

9) Who is 9 going out with?
The girlfriend.

10) When was the last time you talked to 13?
SMS counted? SMS will be just yesterday. Talk will be last Wednesday.

11) Who is 2’s favorite band/singer?
Hmm... Good question. I only know she loves music.

12) Would you ever date 4?
If she's willing to be a lesbian.

13) Would you ever date 1?
I AM!

14) Is 19 single?
As far as i know, yeap!

15) Would you ever be in relationship with 11?
LOL. He's my mentor/ brother. How could i?

16) School of 3?
NYP.

17) Where does 6 lives?
Woodlands.

18) What is your favorite thing of 5?
He never fails in cheering me up.

19) Have you ever seen 10 naked?
Fatin? Only her back, if i'm not wrong. That's so long ago, where PZ team still exsist.

And here are the 5 unlucky victims:
1) Vennesa
2) QiQi
3) Hong Jiayi
4) Fatin
5) Sean LYW

maybe is your turn

2008-07-16T01:17:00.002+08:00

It's finally 2 and a half year for baby and me. Hopefully, the rest of the days will be a happy time for me, except for the ESDDS test? Which i have totally no confidence of.

Had a fulfilling Tuesday night with my baby. I started to share with him how Christ has place a part in my life at then, and now. And I guess, he has accepted the fact that I still believe in Christ, which I won't forbid. I may be helping in the bai bai ceremony at home, but that is what I do to respect my elders. Because I'm not born a Christian. So I feel that I still have to obey these elders who do their part to give birth or bring me up as what I am today. Also, we shared a lot of laughter, mindset about life - friends, families, work, etc..

And we did talk about school. I told him that I actually kind of regretted choosing Marine at my main subject. Because when class starts, it's really something that will kill my brain cells away. And I also begin to wonder what should I do if I make it to Poly? What course should I take.

It's like, what adults always say, and which I believe is true:
Jobs that pay you well, requires you the knowledge, the passion, the seeking of learning more. I won't deny that I decided to choose Marine is because I know that it does pay well. But what I didn't know is the amount of fact you have to know, even before stepping into the shipyard.

Gosh.. I feel so like in a friend's position. Who couldn't decide what to do when she was graduating. And maybe it may be her turn to ask me the questions I once asked her, when she was stuck HERE.

one gone, another came

2008-07-11T01:41:00.003+08:00

At first, I thought 2 days of mc was enough for me to recover any pain that's going on in my body. Went to school on Wednesday, the back of my neck still SO much. But after all, is a short day, still can tahan.

Things wasn't well when I woke up on Thursday morning. There was a bump behind my neck. The left side of my body became very stiff. Especially my hand.

Went to doctor. He said my sleeping position something wrong. So my nerve was press (but don't know by what), have to rest more. Another 2 days of mc.

Always at home with Mum. Haven't spend any day of this week with boyfriend. Is so record breaking (unless I'm out of Singapore).

This is my dog, Peanut after a full grooming on Wednesday. He looks very tired after coming back from the groomer side.

And know what, my Granny got bitten by a dog. WTH. And the dog owner act as if he/she was not at fault.

Don't let me see you man...

i don't know what to say

2008-07-07T22:59:00.002+08:00

The moment the questions were threw at me, I thought is only right for me to remain the family concept in your mind. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe after not communicating much, I don't know you as well as your friends.

I feel so lousy at being your friend. Cause I realize that after leaving the school, even though we're just a few blocks away, I've never done my part as your suppose to be Besties-lism.

I'm so sorry for everything. Maybe I just can't help you much for the fact that also, I'm not at that level too. So I won't understand.

It's just me. I'm sorry.

An MC for today and tomorrow. Cool or what you call it. Mum got her MC too. But a day longer than mine. LOL

I think he's getting bolder. By just dumping me in his draft. Fuck!

I'm going to game now. I've zero mood for communications!

just back home

2008-07-06T03:52:00.004+08:00

Was about to head to the bed, when I realize that I should blog. but I'm not going to introduce any new things from TCC yet, because there'll be a change.

Just keep checking out for updates.

I met Jenny on Wednesday, together with Sean and boyfriend. I guess it was a great catch- up except that I was having my blues, or should i say red. and that my mood just FLUNG. We caught 'Wanted' at Cathay. i would say, it's rather good. =]

Just watch 'Penelope'. Boyfriend says it's 'ok lah'. I don't like the ending personally. I don't know why. Maybe when it just ended too simple? I had a great talk with boyfriend today, about our work. And if we are going to just stop it somewhere. I'm not too sure. But boyfriend says that I was a little mean to some of the peeps today. I'm sorry but....

Seriously, I'm into much of considerations nowadays. There're just too many question marks in my mind. Be it regarding families, friends, boyfriend, work, .. and so on.

And I'm thinking, is it the time already? To step up and make the right decisions for myself, just way before I really get so bothered by it. Let's think hard man..

By the way, to Vennesa, JiaXin and MeiXuan: The outing on 12July will be push back. Due to everyone having commitments in their own life. But I promise that the outing will be confirm soon but earliest will be after Singapore's birthday.

Oh ya, have been crushing into quite a number of stars this few weeks. But, I never get their pictures. Just get them from the net, unless he's Jay. LOL..

Mr holiday, no more le..

thinking hard

2008-07-05T07:49:00.002+08:00

i'm like thinking really hard of what to post early in the morning. i havent got my sleep yet, am worrying about the barista training later.

anyway, TCC will be changing their menus in a month time. So do check me out for more updates. if you dont know what TCC is, please check this out -> http://www.thecoffeeconnoisseur.com/

i just twisted my leg a week ago, and i dont even know why is the pain only acting up after a week. is truly a WTH feeling. if you can understand. i've been having alot of revolution during work, at home, in the relationship nowadays.

is it part of growing up or what?

maybe i should post more later, after the training. and tell you what's good in the new menu.

holidays, almost done..

i can see it, but i just couldnt see why

2008-07-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

back to work. can i just say, everything is rubbish. i'm so freaking disappointed with myself, and the conclusion out of everything. first drink for the day, wrong SOP. WTF? i cant see what's wrong with myself. and i have to let tiny winy people spot me. everything is just so wrong.

i seriously think,

ms toh, put down ur fucking pride man. is just not worth to get angry for a tiny winy bits of happening. you should just get your fucking fat ass started on what you should be doing, and not what you shouldnt be champing about!

anyway, boyfriend came to pick me up from work. and i seriously feel that, i always feel very wrong without you. dare my mouth to say that break word again. i think i'll just make myself single all life long.

and i seriously think,

ms toh, you've such a great boyfriend. why are you picking out the tiny winy just to start the fire? why not just tell him how much you miss him? and stop picking up past tense to talk about? you freaking bitch, be contented on what you have!

maybe i just need a reminder from you, you, you or you?

maybe i just need a little more love from you?

i can see the fact of myself getting pissed on tiny winy, but why cant i pick myself out of it?

maybe i am just trying to seek attention?

OH freaking bitch! stop seeking attention!!

and so..

holidays are ending very very soon..

and i need time, to study mr. calculas

phew.. luckily the pain is gone.

2008-06-30T17:27:00.000+08:00

yesterday was terrible. you know? the red day is here again, and i'm screaming off the pain in silence. whole day, fighting the pain alone. allowing the reds to just flood like that but having the cramps on and off. and all i feel was, taking a knife to cut everything out.

so there goes my plan of paying aunt a visit. =[

anyway, we've just started talking. and i think she did realize that i'm sick. coughing and coughing all day. haben been easy for me.

straights off for 2 days, looks more like 2 mc days for me. tomorrow gotta start work, straight 5 days. she's back, and i have to start debating again.

holidays will be gone. so soon..

nutri-soy

2008-06-26T22:38:00.000+08:00

drinking a $1.80 but contains 1000ml worth of soya milk. i guess is more worth it than a cup of bubbles tea that causes $1.50 per cup. well.. this analysis will come to you soon, once you're feeling poor.

anyway, just paid off my first and second debt, handphone bill and the music school june's school fees. and i'm left with $XX for two weeks. SAVE! and the bad news come, i've to pay for july one, before i'm finally taken off from the school. cos i didnt give them one month notice, so they said they cant terminate me today, which is the last lesson of june. hopefully, but july. i would be able to received some pocket money from both side. and i can slowly clear my debts.

jenny will be back next week, hopefully, i can meet her on my only weekday off. planning to go granny's house tomorrow again. not only to visit her, but see Gwen as well. my cutie little niece. and hopefullt will be able to pay ah yi a visit on sunday. heard form cousin that she has been nagging at me for not visiting her, even tol i'm at yishun at bf's place. LOL

nothing has change much. and nothing can strike up the topic between us. how?

and holidays will be gone, in a week..

update lor

2008-06-22T05:30:00.000+08:00

1st. after much consideration, i'm not going for the pz chalet. no need to talk me out, i'm not going no matter what. there's some personal reasons inside. don't ask, cos i won't tell. and i'm no longer the same me who can give up school days for chalet.

2nd. i dont understand why he can just dont care even when he's not be respected? wtf?

picking shattered pieces

2008-06-19T22:44:00.000+08:00

alot of things happen.
it's just too hard to be explain.
i'm so sorry that i just shut my previous one lidat.
but trust me, i din did it willingly.

i guess this onw wont be long too.

jing-a-lism

what future do i face; when the truth is out

life; indeed it's different

when i tell my story; you listen

mood swing; part and parcel of life

you'll learn; through my tears

3 months; what have i learn?

BAH; boring shits!

21st; the welcoming of freedom or the load of responsibility

解脱; 是肯承认这是个错 我不应该还不放手. 解脱; 是懂擦干泪看以后 找个新方向往前走

KARMA; What Goes Around, Comes Around

Clearance Done; what's left?

trying my best; but still like shit

breathing in; understanding wisdom

Varsity - Lost then Found

single life; bitching life

I'M BACK!

A Reflection

STRESSED, SUCKS, ALL FUCKED UP

MENTHOL

F&B People Are HEROES!

LIKE S O FINALLY

TWENTY

Let's update..

Freaking 3 Years!

long overdued photos & post

looking back, ....

2 years of waiting

The earliest bird, catches the worm

Sensitivity

I'm super lazy to blog

Attention

I should be sleeping now

I'm really sorry

周杰伦- 说好的幸福呢

a girl worst nightmare!!

blogskin change

Capricorn

Fergie- Finally

Busy wedding

Ahhh

Holidays has arrived

I've already update the drink name!

Good Morning Again!

OK, Good News

I Think It's for Sure

OK, I Shall Blog Now.

Tons to Say

Bad News!!

周杰伦 Jay

Happy Birthday to Mr, Hidayat

blogs

I changed my skin!

I'm not better

aim-less, point-less, do i have a future?

The TCC Golden Hunt

SOLVED

Happy Birthday Singapore!

vexed is just adding up

i'm so vexed

Good Morning

i'm back!

Bobby Bob Bob make me do this!

maybe is your turn

one gone, another came

i don't know what to say

just back home

thinking hard

i can see it, but i just couldnt see why

phew.. luckily the pain is gone.

nutri-soy

update lor

picking shattered pieces

解脱; 是肯承认这是个错我不应该还不放手. 解脱; 是懂擦干泪看以后找个新方向往前走